Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

100 Ways to Survive a Horror Movie

1. Common archetypes who die first: the jock, the promiscuous one, the prep, the practical joker, the bully, the funny guy, the fat guy, the skeptic, the drunk, the hobo, the geek, and the idiot without common sense.
2. It’s locked in the basement for a reason.
3. If it’s cursed, don’t touch it.
4. Look behind you.
5. Always be armed.
6. DO NOT put the gun down!
7. Leave the safety off.
8. Reload whenever you have a spare moment.
9. If bullets don’t stop it, blow it up.
10. Always have at least two weapons.
11. Always move as a group.
12. Don’t split up.
13. Don’t lead the group.
14. Don’t be the last one of the group.
15. Don’t whine, make overly sarcastic comments, or bully others.
16. Shelter, while not always safe, is safer than open fields and forests.
17. Stay away from doors and windows.
18. If it’s in the walls, burn the place down.
19. Never leave the keys behind.
20. Never forget to put gas in the car.
21. Cars are not always safe.
22. Don’t stop the vehicle.
23. Fires can and will go out.
24. Cigarettes are very bad for you.
25. Drugs make you an easier target.
26. Never assume it’s over.
27. Paranoia is okay in moderation.
28. Be well versed in local myths and legends.
29. Churches aren’t always safe refuge.
30. If you don’t understand it, leave it alone.
31. When being chased, outrun the person next to you.
32. Never drop your guard.
33. Never impede any of your senses.
34. Playing tag with things that go bump in the night is never a good idea.
35. Being outnumbered is bad.
36. Use weaknesses to your advantage.
37. Committing crimes takes time and makes you an easier target.
38. Know a menagerie of skills.
39. Keep it together.
40. Sleep in shifts.
41. Forget the box!
42. When surrounded by dead bodies, masquerade as one of them. (Does not work with zombies)
43. Be a kindly ruler or boss.
44. Eating slows you down.
45. Fire and cold stop many things, but not all things.
46. Karate works not on giant monsters.
47. The Government won’t help you.
48. Extremists are not to be trusted.
49. Obsession can be deadly.
50. The hospital is never a good idea.
51. Schools are evil.
52. Cemeteries can sometimes be safe, but other times can be the most dangerous area in the town.
53. Ignorance will kill you.
54. What you don’t know can and will hurt you.
55. Sticking body parts in random holes isn’t wise.
56. Make yourself a difficult target.
57. Eerie lights mean strange and possibly malevolent things.
58. Stay where it’s safe.
59. It isn’t dead till it bleeds profusely.
60. Always poke dead things with a long stick to make sure they’re dead.
61. Those who are mentally ill tend to become villains.
62. Caffeine is your friend.
63. Give the creepy little children what they want.
64. Alien technology always spells trouble.
65. Mystic artifacts are bad.
66. Never drop the protective talisman.
67. Keep moving.
68. Guns run out of bullets, blades do not.
69. Don’t have sex. Ever.
70. If it’s older than humanity, it’s probably meaner.
71. Don’t commit any of the seven deadly sins or break any of the Ten Commandments.
72. Don’t use vulgar language or rude gestures.
73. There are times to fight and times to run. Knowing the distinction can mean life or death.
74. If it’s not after you, stay out of the way.
75. Be important enough not to be a background character but not so important as to be a main character.
76. Pit monsters against each other.
77. Claws are for either climbing or killing.
78. If you blind it, odds are it can still kill you.
79. The worst monsters are those that were once human.
80. Beware what you can’t see.
81. Children are not always children.
82. Spirits/demons cannot be killed, but they can kill you.
83. Seduction often leads to death.
84. Don’t pet the strange looking creatures.
85. Do not sneeze.
86. If there are warnings, obey them.
87. Natives can cast some messed up curses.
88. If one of your party knows what they’re doing, follow them.
89. Know what you’re doing.
90. Stick together.
91. Labyrinths, mazes, forests, and wheat or cornfields make great hunting grounds.
92. Be quiet
93. Your looks are the least of your worries.
94. Do not shoot a horror movie during a horror movie.
95. Pain means you aren’t dead yet.
96. Virgins make great sacrifices.
97. That thing is not who it used to be.
98. Do not meddle in the arcane.
99. Keep emotional outbursts to a minimum.
100. Cost less than the Actor playing the surviving lead.