Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Please aim slow
I know, it's not like you
to take the fall
for anyone but yourself.
Let me show you a world
that you've never seen.
Let me help you unveil
what you meant to say.
There is no time to waste,
when you find love you can't hesitate.


Step right up,
shoot an arrow at the target.
My heart is an easy thing for you to hit.
Don't worry
if you miss I'll let you shoot again.
My heart is an easy thing for you to win.


Whoa you know you did it again
and everytime I hear your voice.
Well you know, I had no choice but to let you in.
Life's short,
don't pretend.

Let me show you a world
that you've never seen.
Let me help you unveil
what you meant to say.
There is no time to waste
when you find love you can't hesitate.


Step right up,
shoot an arrow at the target.
My heart is an easy thing for you to hit.
Don't worry
if you miss I'll let you shoot again.
My heart is an easy thing for you to win.

Step right up,
shoot an arrow at the target.
My heart is an easy thing for you to hit.
Don't worry
if you miss I'll let you shoot again.
My heart is an easy thing for you to win.


Please aim slow

What could I say to you
to let you know every day
I am grateful?
I wish I could turn back time
or maybe rewind.
I would find you when we were younger
so we could spend our time on earth together longer.


Step right up,
shoot an arrow at the target.
My heart is an easy thing for you to hit.
Don't worry
if you miss I'll let you shoot again.
My heart is an easy thing for you to win.


Whoa, step right up again
When you find love you can't hesitate
Whoa, step right up again
My heart is aching I can barely wait
Whoa, step right up again
When you find love you can't hesitate
Whoa, step right up again
My heart is aching I can barely wait

<span id="test28276645">. . .</span><br/><div id="post28276645" style="display:none; margin-right:75px;">

In the words of Jason Mraz "Wake up everyone, how can you sleep at a time like this unless the dreamer is the real you". I think it may be.

I dreamt of him again last night. For the second time it was not "above board". I had never even considered him until that first dream. And now, I am gone. My heart is a fickle thing. The worst part is I think me and him could actually work. Or is that the best part? He makes me think less about the other one. Though the other one was great I knew I could never work with him and he needs someone different. I know from experience. But this one? This one is the kind I'd go for if my current relationship fell apart. The kind I can't simply discredit as unreasonable and push from my mind depite the age difference. It could really work. I really want it to. But why do I long for something with him if I'm happy as I am? Why is my heart such an easy thing for bois to win?

I want him to see me in the same way but I feel like he refuses to. This is perhaps for the best? Sometimes I'm glad certain things are beyond my control but I know my brain is angry about this. He forces the things beyond his control until they break. Notice I've never had a proper relationship with someone who started as my friend? They happen fast or not at all. Because my brain is impatient and forces it til it breaks and is unfixable. We usually stay friends but nothing further happens in that vain.

Why do I call it my brain? Should it not be my heart? All it wants is the thrill of a new relationship... how is that not my heart? Perhaps I refuse to be girly enough to speak of my heart. Perhaps I believe my brain has more control so I blame that. Perhaps I have a more romanticized view of my heart and believe it to know what is right. Why would my heart sabotage my relationships? Is it not some magical all knowing being who can see where true love really lies? That is why I blame my brain. My brain is the slut, not my heart.

Come to think of it, I blame my brain for a lot of things. My short attention span, my pathetic memory, my intimacy problems... Is that avoiding responsibility?

Point is, what will come of this current crush? I'm thinking I'll tell him about it and he will start telling me how he has no interest in me and I will feel terrible for thinking such a thing could work. But not before telling Chikin about how I am a massive slut (again) and probably lowering what little respect for me had left. And I'll stay with Chikin but now with akwardness between me and the blonde and anyone else I've told and my reputation will worsen and life will be hard. Harder than bearing this secret. I guess I'll see whether I want to or not.


Update 8 Sept 09 - Chikin knows and is fine. The current compromise may work in my favour with this problem, which is still current. In fact I'm starting to believe all guys will ignore and write off girls in relationships (wish I could harness that power...) so I guess we shall see how he feels about me once the compromise comes into play. I haven't told him yet and I won't for a couple months if I can help it. We shall see what happens...</div>