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It hurts.
I'm... not sure what you mean.
This inaction this inactivity this static suture it compromises you me us we.
Oh... I know... I'm sor-
NO! No, you do not know.
But-
Get up! Act! Do! Suck out of this cement semi-tomb, perpetuate, promulgate, activate, cause to occur!
I'm writing, it's...
Writing is nothing! Writing is sitting and failing! Writing is unnecessary self-reevaluation procrastination until you stop go home again drop and groan again DO. ACT. BE. Stop writing!
Writing is all there is! Writing is all that matters! Don't you fume at him for your insatiable manner. Time and writing will wrap up the shards and reorganize.
So do a swift kick in the a**, slap in the face, and round-house kick to the jawbone. Writing is avoidance and escapism!
You're a fool and an a**! Writing is all that matters in this world and more than any single other action can give. While he should not sit static and should get his lazy a** out of that chair, action can fail; writing is eternal!
{softly} Tell that to the Alexandrian authors.
...you?
Action is written into the universe by nature of itself.
But writing - is - action!
Shut up!
......
Shut up. Please. I'm going. I'm done. I'm acting. I'm doing. Just... stop.



---later---



I have to be perfect. At everything.
Well yeah, duh. So?
{shrugs} Makes sense to me.
So that's it, then. I have to be perfect. At everything. Even typing. Writing. Every mistake... is a failure.
Yes but not a crippling failure.
I think I see it now. I have to get over my fear of failing... to stop failing. Because fear is less than perfect, unless it's perfect fear, in which case it still detracts from a human being.
But failure is still not an option. For anything.
Right. {looks away with empty eyes} Because I have to be perfect... at everything...
{kindly} It's something you can do. Seeking perfection is not something that should overwhelm you.
It is witnessing perfection, and witnessing the loss of it, that drowns, whether in sweet oxygenated liquid, or thick and beautiful oil.
But... I want to breathe smoke.
So do we all.