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As I've always said: In the dead of morning is where true emotions come to torture the living who try so hard to forget. Now, as many would read this, they would think I'm being "over-emotional" or "can't move on". Well, it doesn't matter where you throw water, it'll always find a crack to come back through.

I'm sitting here typing just get some pain off this chest that carries a heavy burden. It was through routine and endless work that kept me away from depression or even the thought of my own self suffering. All I was worried about was if passing summer school, did I do my homework and when would I go to see a girl. But today was different for a sad reason...

I was sitting down, doing work as always in the nosiest class of a sad 4, Me, two other students and the teacher. I was getting a margin from hearing all the laughing and yelling and what-not. I wanted to yell at them to shut the ******** up... but I just finished my test (They didn't) and worked on my other H.W. As I got ready, I read through the questions so I can answer them faster.... Until I hit one name that shook me... Stephanie

I already remembered reading that one of the characters of the book had married a woman named Stephanie, but at the time, I didn't care about it. There had also been heavy tides with North Carolina, but again, I didn't care. It was when I read that name today that something silent inside woke up and created a volcano in my entire body. I began first to sigh, then recount memories and finally, almost broke into tears.

I had to escape... escape the room and my suffering, I rushed to the bathroom to cool off... but as I walked to it, I saw the sky and my memories were on full burst. I didn't cry... but I was very depressed. A teacher exited the bathroom as I did and I was walking slower than she was, She said, "You've got longer legs than me, walk faster." I wanted to say, "Yeah, but my heart is lead" but I didn't and went back to class.

I resolved and went back to work... It was when I left the school and hit on the 41 bus line that my past would rear it's ugly head again. I saw a beautiful black woman sitting in front of me in the angle I could see her face and eyes. If I knew her age and the fact if she was single or not, I would have tried to talk to her... but I was to shy. The more I looked at her, the more I saw such a great beauty in her...I couldn't help myself as I got locked in her eyes, her skin, the way her hair was fixed.

But again... From the deepest part of my dead heart, it called a name.... Stephanie. I couldn't take it anymore, I was drowned to the brim in sorrow. I wanted to yell, scream, cry all my pains away... but instead... I stood up and walked away.

I kept thinking about everything me and Stephanie once held together... All the love, dates, smiles and long hours together... It was all gone. It was like I slept with a great dream and woke up to the horrible nightmare that is reality...

I wanna tell her now that I want her so much, that I've completely changed from what I was to something that I hope she may like... But I know... In the dead beating heart that she will never give me the second chance that I so long for. But It doesn't matter... I know that someday I'll make things right once more. That one day, I'll be able to let this all rest wether with her in my arms or without her... I can finally sing Amen.

Thanks for reading.