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This is it. Happy New Year. Year 2006. And I must say I have never been as sad to see a year leave as I was with that one. So many memories, so many unforgetabble friendships. Even the tears that were shed and the fury let loose. I wish it would all stick with me. But alas, that year is long past over. Time to dump the calendar on my wall away. Time to start life like it was brand new. Not that it really is, but isn't that important? To pretend like every year is a good one. How I hate that part.

As I type this I wonder if the first emotion you have in the New Year would be the dominant emotion throughout the whole year. It would explain why everyone acts so happy (even if they're just pretending). So is that it? Am I supposed to fake happiness when in truth I feel displaced. I don't belong in this family. I'm too different. They're happy and celebrating downstairs. Sipping champagne and throwing pillows and I'm locked in my room. Typing.

I can't believe how much of my life I wasted away on this computer. My dad thinks I'm anti-social. He knows nothing about how I feel. Everyone looks at me weird. Even if they barely know me. Everyone belittles me and talks to me like I'm a kid. I'm 14. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm tired. Tired of every year being the same thing. But as I was saying earlier, is the first emotion you have in the year the most dominant? If so I'm in for hell. But, that's always.

But even though I'm in for hell and back I'm still glad to be here. Alive and well. With friends (and foes) I keep close to my heart and will never forget. And though I say cruel things, especially when I'm on the rebound, I never mean a single word. Without you guys I wouldn't be here to see 2006. Bless you all. Friends, family, and even the a-holes downstairs who party and neglect me.


New Year

My slate's been cleaned
My year's anew
It's time to be different.
Time to approach things with a smile
Put a bounce in my step
And walk with my head up
And though it seems impossible
The road has just began
New Year
New path...
Damn. Am I ready?
Probably not...
But I'm going to try
Try, Push, Fight, Cry
To make myself proud
Sick of pleasing others
Who are never satisfied
Sick of blaming myself
I've screwed up too much
But that's all changed.
My slate's been cleaned
My year's anew
I'm going to do the best I can do.

I know. It sucked.