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So hi everyone. This is Tom.
Say hi, Tom.
- Hi.
Let's give Tom a sword.
Tom now has a sword to cut people with.
- Yaay!
On second thought, let's not give Tom a sword.
- My sword! Don't take it away, noo!
Tom is now sad and depressed again.

This is Curt. Say hi, Curt.
- Hi.
Curt sounds almost exactly like Tom, but has a better sounding name than Tom.
- Aw, man.
Tom, you're fired.

Curt, I love you.
- Gaaaay.
...and I'm sure that you and I will have many wonderful, fantastical adventures together.
- GAAAAY!
Let's give Curt a magical pony. It's white and looks exactly like a unicorn.
- GAAAAAY!!!
*rape scene cut.*

Hi, Alan.
- Hi.
So, Alan, how do you feel about a**l penetration?
- What??
Never mind, Alan.
How do you feel about going on a magical adventure with me?
- Uhm, did you just say a**l penetration?
Yes, I did, Alan. Does that make you feel uncomfortable?
- I thought you hired me for a kids show.
Yes?
- You can't say "a**l penetration" on a kids show!
...and why is that?
- It's illegal or something, I don't know!
But this is the magical world of make belief, where anything is possible. There are no rules or boundaries here.
- ... I didn't know that.
Well now you know, Alan.
- Ah.
... Alan?
- Yeah?
How do you feel about a**l penetration?
- I didn't sign up for this. I'm not talking about... ...that.
I could show you if you'd like.
- No! ...thanks. I'm... I'm not in the mood right now.
Aww.
- I'm so sorry, but I have to go to the bathroom now. Where's the exit?
What do you mean?
- The exit. The bathroom.
There is no exit. There is no bathroom.
- Oh, come on. I clearly got here... ...somehow...
*brief cut to screaming, red decapitation scene.*

Alan?
- Yes?
Are you afraid, Alan?
- No. Should I be?
No. Just checking.

Alan?
- Yes?
Tell me about your childhood, Alan.
- What??
Your childhood. What was it like?
- Uhm...
*brief cut to screaming, red decapitation scene.*
- I had no childhood.
...and why is that, Alan?
- Because I'm just a figment of your imagination.
That's right, Alan.
*brief flash of screaming, red decapitation scene.*
Never forget that you're my pet, Alan.
Never forget.


THE END