So Josie and I are still going back and forth. Last night we had a 3 hour conversation on the phone. The first hour and half consisted of her being unsure she could stay with me. Due to her being in Savannah, Georgia starting classes at SCAD. A high contrast conversation to the day before when we discussed me moving to be with her.
Basically she feels overwhelmed and says I'm putting in 100% towards the relationship and she feels like she's only doing 35%. Because she can't put all of her self into two things at once. I said, I'll be there for her and help her put energy into those things. She gives me the energy I need to continue, and I'll do the same for her.
Ultimately she's afraid I'm going to take school from her. Which I will never do. I completely supported her going. I never made her choose moving away or our relationship. Rather I did everything in my power to help her along.
I asked her if she felt like this when we lived together. She said no, she really loves me. But only had me then, and now doesn't know what she can do. She feels trapped.
I'm not trying to hinder her, or trap her. She's at this age where she wants to grow and be independant. But she doesn't have to be single to do that. I can be with her and give her that space. She can have both. I don't know why this is happening.
Her and I have being great together. We compliment each other so well and have had tons of fun together in our half a year so far. I truly care for her and will do everything to keep us together.
She went on to say her biggest fear is if we stay together, we'll get married. Her reasoning to that, is how will she know she was supposed to marry me if I'm the only one thats loved her?
Ugh, she's dated several guys, and been in a long term relationship before me. I don't know, but for me. I follow my heart and know we're supposed to be together. I don't need to compare her to other people, other life situations.
I'm really really trying here. I want this to work, and it can. But I need her to try.
At the later half of our conversation we got to the point of not saying we were going to split and talking about me going to see her. I have 275 dollars set aside right now. Which covers gas. I just need more money for emergency, and hotel stay.
I'm hoping this blows over and she truly sees that she can have me and her career too. That it would truly be a mistake to the both of us if we split over distance and her new school.
I'm not giving up.
~DJ Bothwell
 XDvandalDJ · Wed Sep 16, 2009 @ 02:32pm · 0 Comments |
