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As the days pass slowly
And the weeks creep by
I find myself obsessing
About ways that I could die.

I lay awake at night
Thinking of pain.
There's no way it can get better;
I have nothing left to gain.

Suddenly thoughts of death
Are controlling my every move,
And every battle with my mind
I always seem to lose.

I no longer want to be around
The people that I love.
All that I can think about
Is what's waiting up above.

I cut my arms with razor blades
To dull the pain inside,
But that can only last so long;
I don't want to be alive.

I manage to keep my composure
When people are around.
They wouldn't understand me
So I don't make a sound.

I smile when I have to.
I break down when I don't.
I know I should be strong,
But I also know I won't.

So I make a plan to take some pills.
It shouldn't take too long.
I write out notes to all my friends
To read when I am gone.

I ask my mom to understand
That life is just too hard.
My mind can't fight it antmore;
My heart is far too scarred.

I plan it out so perfectly
I even set date.
I'm pretty sure I'm ready;
I know this is my fate.

My bed is made up nearly
As I take them one by one.
I start to feel a little scared;
I know I'm almost done.

All that I can think about
Is how I'm letting go,
And how much I love my family.
I really hope they know.

My eyes are getting heavy.
My body feels so weak.
Everything inside is numb.
That's the way it has to be.

I'm glad that Mom's not here right now
To watch me slowly die,
But still I wish that I could say,
"I love you and good-bye."

I give in to the darkness.
I slowly slip away.
I hope I go to heaven
Where dark nigh turns to day.

I wake up in confusion,
I don't know where I am.
Is this heaven, or is it hell,
The land of the eternally damned?

There are people all around
Although I can barely see,
I can hear the soothing voices
Of people dear to me.

My family and friends are here
Comforting one another.
I can hardly make out any words
Until I hear my mother.

Each tear she cries feels like a knife
Stabbing at my soul.
I let my pain and suffering
Blind me from my goal.

At one point I was determined
To make it through this test,
To lead a life of fulfillment
And to do my very best.

But I somehow lost all sight of that.
I hope she can forgive.
I promise not o waste
My second chance to live.

I sit up in my hospital bed
Tears streaming down my cheeks.
My mother rushes over crying
Like she hasn't seen me in weeks.

I tell her that I'm sorry
For causing her so much strife.
I tell her that I will succeed
In leading a better life.

Together we figured out a way
For me to get some help.
I know that I can go to her
Instead of doing it myself.

I know that it's not over yet;
It's a long road up ahead,
But I appreciate the little things
Because I could be dead.

I've learned to live each passing day
As if it were my last.
I look forward o the future
And I'm learning from my past.

by: Rachael Bennett

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Found By: xll Justin llx