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He basically left me... I feel so blank. Empty. I can't really let myself feel emotion. I know that if I do, it will only be sadness... Last night, he said he wanted to take a break. I asked why, he said he didn't know. I asked if we could try and be together again in the future (when he promised me originally that if we did go on a break, we could try again) and he said he didn't know. I asked if he even still loved me... And he didn't answer me. He just said "I don't have an answer for you"... How... How am I supposed to take that? I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man, and now... He just sort of throws it all away, it seems. I asked him if he was just straight up breaking up with me (because I'm one of those people who don't think it's over until I here the words "our relationship is over" or "I'm breaking up with you" wink and he said he didn't know... I'm so confused. I don't feel like living anymore, honestly. My life without him feels worthless. It feels as though there's no meaning to anything I do anymore. Going to school and everything... I did all of that to make it so I could have the money for us to move in together and spend the rest of our lives together. Now, it seems like there's no reason to do it at all. The person who I loved with all of my heart and soul just turned his back on me... I lost my best friend. My boyfriend. My rock... I lost him... I hope him and I can get back together again... I don't know how to live my life without him. I feel lost waking up in the morning and saying to myself "I shouldn't text him"... I'm so used to the constant communication with him with cute little messages and telling each other we love each other...
I guess I just want closure... I want a reason... I'll never be able to get over this unless I have that...
9/20/08 - 12/1/09... I guess.
 The_Martyr · Wed Dec 02, 2009 @ 04:27pm · 0 Comments |
