Tonights the biggest game for the New Orleans Saints. My family is watching it but I'm not. I'm listening to Evanescence. Today I've felt very disgusted with myself. Almost suicidal disgusted. I am always the black sheep in events and I wonder sometimes what those people think of me, but i've sunk to deep to go back. Jesus is the only one I can trust right now to except me. And i'm praying that I'm not to dirty for Him. I can only think today of the bad things i've done. My heart aches and my mind is worping into a beast. i wish I could do over things but i have to live with myself. Exceptance is something I'll have to overlook for now. I need a hero, right now before I fall--farther than anyone can reach. God keep me pure and save me from the terrible and unjust things. Something tells me to keep going but i'm so tired. I believe it would be in my own self preservation that I rest. I know life is complicated and everyone suffers which makes my even more pathetic but I just wish someone would understand me who is on this Earth. Just for once. I want to be excepted no matter how I look or talk or think. Just once.
Good night dear friends
