things were not suppose to end up this way...... I must have been some kind of s**t bag in a past life. I dont know where to turn to. and its black as night in my mind.
I need somewhere to let it out. i want someone to consol me. but i want more then that. i want it fixed........ im so sick of seeing everything i want. and its always in a fingers length grasp but i cant have it. idk why this is happening. i just wanna wish it all away. i feeel like such a basket case of s**t. I wanna be tough and i like looking like i am. but i wasnt suppose to be this way. i had to learn to do it do defend myself from the already declining time i have. i still hurt... why cant i just make it stop. My avi has that wound on it. for no reason? its because a part of me doesnt stopp bleeding out. and it fills the whole inside and i hurt so bad... I want a mother who understands me. I want a father....i want a girl who can hold me and tell me things will be ok. i want a soul mate to reach out to. i want a better life style then all this. christmas sucks every year... im reminded i have no family near me. and nothing to hold close. im empty. and my emptyness has taken over my thoughts and drivin me nuts. i cant function like normal people. i just want things to be normal........... i dont even have money to take my mind off of it. i am losing it slowly and i try to rationalize suicde. im already ******** in the head and wonder what can i do with myself.
i wake up to the same dark brown eyes in the mirror. filled with misery. and i have to put my glasses on and hide it. my glasses help me to see... see the things i cant have or dont have. its just misery... im done......
 Magickhu · Thu Dec 24, 2009 @ 03:34am · 0 Comments |
