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I know what comes with depression...but knowing and actually going through are two completely different things, Throw Bipolar on it and that really ******** things up...to be honest entirely honest of why im constantly spilling pointless journal entries onto gaia..its because its the only place i can, even though with my current settings everyones allowed to read my pointless thoughts, which doesnt really bother me much, it lets them see that im Human, even though i rarely seem to want to be, right now everything feels pointless beyond belief...ive lost all interest in many things i used to love, im constantly trying to decide if i can handle this or not, as much as i want to say i can, im starting to doubt my abilities...and its showing, ive been feeling shitty for weeks and cant come up with an answer as to why aside from blaming depression, homelife has been alright for once, things are starting to look up finally and i might be able to do things i want to do again...aside from a*****e friends everythings been great. and i still feel like s**t, even after trying to pin point what it is i still find myself back at square one, and i just cant deal with the fact that this is how my life is going to be for the rest of my life, im in denial...and its ******** eating away at me.