Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

hi everybody!
well i just about had it with the world sigh i want to be alone so i can cry my eyes with to depressing music and people not trying to make feel better to me the world can be a very cruel place if it needs to be the thing is i'm in love with a guy and i dont want to be cuz it could never work out and i would just almost take another guy to forget about him cuz in march it will be year that i would of liked him and that makes me so mad cuz i havnt been able to get over him and just grrrr........i want to cry my eyes out but i just cant because of just sucking it up when i would start to cry i never made myself cry its just not physically possible for me and pisses me off. Then every one in my family other than my brother is ticking me off because they're either oblivious or they make me feel stupid when i feel smart with my peers it just is so stupid because when i am at school i feel smart and bombastic and then when i come home i feel stupid and not smart at all i feel like so much of an airhead its just so frustrating i just want someone to understand my position but no one does i want a boyfriend my family to be normal and my friends to understand for once then i dont know wat i would do if i did hav all of that i would just drive me crazy i just want to give up on life rite now and do nothing but read and listen to music just forget the world aroud me forget school forget about being in love and being heart broken forget about not being up to par for my dad's standards i just want to be someone else i mean i apprciate my life i just want to take a break from which is not physically possible but it is true life just needs to pause for a day that is all i ask but again i know that it is not possible wat i ever want is not physically possible i dont want a car or new shoes or anything like that cuz i dont think that i will get a boyfrind in high shool and cant stop time and family will never be normal that is that so much to ask for i mean i dont want anything material normally i do but rite now i just dont i want to sit and mope around the house without anybody bugging me or even just for people to leave me alone or to think for myself at times i want people to care about how i feel but rite now i dont give a damn about anyting at all just myself i know that i am being very self centered but you have to be at times or else your not living life to the fullest and not enjoying life or so some would i know i am going on and on and on but must have a rant this week or i will explode and never life my life to what i want it to be i know im only 15 but i do want to fall in love and have a job and i want someone of the opposite gender to love me back for who i truly am not who i seem to be because they are two differnt peope altogether every day when i wake up in the morning i put on a mask get ready and walk out the door whenever im depressed my mom just thinks that im tired but that would mean that i am tired all the time which is not possible nvm i dont give a damn i just to do nothing i want to sleep into the next centry so i dont have to be stressed or worreied or give a damn about anything or anyone no i am not being sucudal ijust want for time to stand in place which seems like rite now but its only because every one in my house has gone to bed and that is the only reason that i am typing into the next centry and beyond so i leave you know with my nice long message sorry i needed to rant you can ignore it if you want to ttyl crying
heart Jit heart
PS sorry if i worry anyone