Some times...
Some times I wish I could just vanish. Just be gone for a few days.
Not die. Not take a vacation. Just simply not exist for a few days.
Some times I wish I could just walk away and not look back.
Some times I wish I was born to another family.
Some times I wish I didn't care so much.
Some times I wish I could tell my mother what I really think of her.
I always wish I was with her.
I always wish I could be held.
I always wish I could express what I feel when words fail.
It seems like each day there's less and less to be happy about. I need to hold on tight to those things that are worth my love, my joy. I need to quit ******** up. I need to stop being such a failure all the time. No one's perfect, but some times I think I'm so unperfect, so flawed that I don't have a chance in hell to have a normal, happy life.
There's only one thing that keeps those thoughts at bay. A person. The most amazing person. The person who makes me smile. The person who makes me happy. The person I would give anything to be with in person. The person who I love with all my heart and soul.
I love her so much. SHE is the reason I push on. SHE is the reason I don't just give up and do nothing with my life. SHE is why I try to prove everyone else wrong.
I want to impress her. I want to do for her. I want to be there for her. I want to continue to feel the feelings she gives me. I want to, some day, hold her. I want to have a life with her.
She's the most amazing person I have ever met. The most amazing girl in the world. To make me feel what she makes me, to make me think the way she makes me, to make me love the way I do... She has to be.
I would do anything to be hers for real, in person, together at last.
Like a fairytale ending that sparks the squeal to the rest of a best selling series.
Lauren, if you read this. Just know you're that girl.
Just know that you're what keeps me going, keeps my dreams in sight, and makes me feel like I'm not what they say I am.
I love you.
And I always will.
No matter what.
Nothing will ever change that.
Telos_LafAel Community Member 
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