Estanza pulled the dingy covers over her head and dug her head further into the pillow. She did that every night the men had come in for her and had their fill with her body; fulfilling every lust-filled fantasy and sweating all over her. They made her do unforgivable things, unimaginable things, all for them to get aroused and make every muscle of her strain and cry from beneath her skin. All those things had gotten worse since she turned eighteen. Her body refused to comply and she stopped having her period. Thinking she was just pregnant again, time went on and she was wrong. Her body refused to breed and the men became more frequent.
That night was like every other night of the week. Five men came in, and the other girls were excused to go stand outside. Two of them were self-proclaimed doctors and the three others were donors, which were all fit and would have been attractive if they were to meet her under any other circumstance. However, they were just there to inseminate her and nothing more. It wouldn’t work, and she told them so.
When she stated her condition, one of the government doctors slapped her across the face and she fell to the ground. Pain shuttered through her entire being and she was lifted to her feet again while her hand was still plastered to her face for some comfort. They all just stared at her, especially the one who was supporting her, and he just belittled her with his beady, brown eyes from behind his glasses. Estanza turned her head so not to look at him, and she was tossed back onto the bed. The weightless feeling of bouncing was the only comfort she knew; the tempting sensation of not existing at all was sometimes overwhelming.
The scientists had left the room, and when they did, one of their boney hands reached around the corner and shut off the light. They had done that every time so she couldn’t tell which man was doing what to her, but she still complied with every one of their demands. Estanza was meant to, since there was no place in society for her or her opinions, other than in her screaming mind. It was a tiring practice to be a breeder, but, as the doctors reassured, sex was the best exercise.
Her body was bent ways that her limbs shouldn’t have bent, and she let out small yelps as they were, but any noise she made were either muffled by a hand or sheets, or considered a moan and were more pleasurable to the men. They poked and prodded her, thrashed her around, and even made her tell them that she loved them. Despite her past experiences, the new batch of men seemed to have a shred more humanity than the rest. That was all taken away when the last of the three men, only shown by a glint of light that danced across his face as the other two left, and his sick perversions.
Estanza had been through it all before; whippings, feces, urine, domination through sadism. Yet, he was different and took everything to the next level. With his body on top of her, he kissed at her neck and bit down softly as if the passionate loving could take be early penance for what he was planning on doing to her. With his steely hands, they wrapped around her throat as he entered her. With every thrust, his grip became tighter and tighter. Suddenly, her thoughts of never existing came into mind with the last flow of blood and she regretted it. The last thing she heard was his grunting and her heart monitor beeping frantically as her pulse slowed.
She awoke to the light of a penlight in her eyes and she moaned in response. The doctor who was examining her deemed her fit and gave her an affectionate tap on the bottom as she slid off his metal table and grabbed for the plastic hospital gown, but her hand was tapped away by the accompanying nurse. Her hand shot back to her side and she dropped her head docilely.
“You must return to your room naked.” The nurse chimed in, as though it was shameful to comply with every man that walked in to her room looking for one thing.
Estanza did what she was told, and took the long walk, unaccompanied, back to her cell that she shared with various other women who were veterans of breeding. They all watched her as she stepped inside, her neck violet with bruising and her naked body trembling from the cold. None of them moved and just went back to their hobbies; knitting, drawing, or reading.
She surrendered to her bed, the same place where she had been fondled and tortured sexually before, and pulled the blanket up over her head. Tears didn’t flow from her eyes; rather she slipped her hand beneath her pillow and brought out a small Polaroid of her family. It was weathered and a corner of it was a bit ripped, but the image of her standing with her family was still clear. Her mother and father stood with the same smile she relied on from over the years, and her older brother with his strong arms around her gave her an old comfort. Just after that photo was taken, she was stolen away and brought to be a breeder.
Her real dream had been to be a dancer. Not a ballet or hip-hop dancer, by any means, but a ballroom dancer like the ones she had watched growing up. They had been groomed for the role, just as they were told to be, and danced marvelously across the dance floor with as much grace and beauty as a pair of angels. She envied them, secretly, and when she was taken away by a car full of government officials, it was the same day that her family was moving back to Puerto Rico, where the brainwashing and breeding never happened, just for her dream to live. However, it died the same moment they grabbed her. It was her soul and heart, both that turned to ice.
View User's Journal
Julii's blog.
Well, this is a blog. So, I plan on writing about anything that comes to mind. I usually rant -- Just so you're aware.
 |
h a x o m
Community Member |
