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LIFE
....well im having a lot of friend issues unless u could call them aquaitances,, not even a friend

I'm hoping that in italy I will have a friend who talks 2 me like everyday hangs out with me like 24/7
doesn't ditch me
helps me out
some things in common
maybe even a gaia account, but hey let's not get to excited
im not really losing anything if i move, so that's y i want 2 go 2 italy

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GAIA

Dear Journal,

I am dressed up as a stripper
I'm afraid of getting pregnant again
one time he forgot and i had to get an abortion

I still make him dream of nightmares
horrible ones of mom dying
it's funny when i look in his head 2 see what he's dreaming about he dreams of mom dying

so i make it more detailed,,,,he has 2 get a heart attack sooner or later.
I always wonder if mom is alive or not
i should look into that
2 days after she left, my father said he wouldn't be back for a little bit, i was still chained down,,, it was nice, but i wondered where he went even to this day. idk y, he's gone out before but he always makes it back in time to toy with me at night, he's never missed a day of it.
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later---i begin to dream 2 after i finished up with him..... it goes way back
I'm little kid, my mom leaves, 2 days later dad leaves
I somehow get out of the house in this dream
I run over some hills i see my mom lying in the grass crying and screamin
her bone was popped out (femur) i think from falling out of a tree
My father comes and aims his hunting rifle and shoots her in the head and another shot in the heart
blood squirts............................on me and him

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I awake,, from the nightmare
I slowly creep to my old closet,, searching through my old journals as a kid. I open to an entry around the time dad left for his 2 day vacation
it says

Dear Journal,

Mommy left me
I walk through the front door and try to go as far out as the rope would let me
I hear screaming in the distance
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2 days later
Dear Journal
Dad said he had to go somewhere
Once he left i went as far out the door as possible
I hear screams and 2 gunshots
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Dear Journal
Dad came back the next day
tired and red faced
with a gun in his hand
I figured he went hunting
I go about my usual routine of chores and "playing with dad"
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Dear Journal,
After school I head to the place where i heard screaming and gun shots
I notice a bone on the ground a really long bone....i see blood on the grass and in my favorite climbing tree.
I notice a note in the tree hole where i keep my treasures
Dad yells where r u!!!
I rush back home and recieve a beating
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Present

Tears well up in my eyes
I never did go back 2 that tree, i completely forgot about the note.
I decide that when i have to pick up groceries i will go look for that note.

sincerely

KN
sweet dreams