Dear Danni..
I love you I will start with that. I have always and always will love you. Thank you for all the good memories. I cherish them. I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I do not think I was in the wrong.. I still don't. But I am upset with myself. Whenever I voice my feelings to you.. you get hurt. I never intend to hurt you. I do not try to be mean. Somehow I always wind up doing it though. Me being hurt always fades in comparrison to you being hurt. I wind up being a pushover and let what I felt strongly about go. I appologize and I hate myself and wallow in self pity because I've hurt you. Somehow or another.. I drove you to say you hate me. I freaked out for a second.. I considered suicide and I almost went for the Tylenol bottle.. I didn't take it though. I realized that no matter how bad that I am hurting right now.. If you were to know I'd killed myself.. I know you would never forgive yourself and that you would be very upset with me and with yourself. I don't want to hurt you like that. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't know what is right anymore, to stay or to go. I want to stay and somewhere deep down I think you said that out of anger and want me to stay.. But.. I'm not sure anymore.. I'm not sure who you are anymore. This is my farewell letter to you though. I will give you one last chance though before I say goodbye. If you do not want me to go then say so now.. If you want to try to work through this.. If even though I have hurt you you want me to stay and still care for me then say so now. If you do not say anything though.. I will walk away.. I will never contact you again.. I will dissapear from your life.. it will be as if I was dead.. I will fail to exist to you anymore. It will be painful for me but I promise you I will not kill myself.. You've given me the inner strength not to do that.. So now.. I'll wait .. if nothing comes.. I'll go...
Princess Kitaaa · Fri Jul 16, 2010 @ 04:07am · 0 Comments |