During the day... It seems all I can think about is death or dying. The disturbing images in my head are scary, and keep me up most nights like this. Images and stories are just flowing into my black book despite my efforts to let death go.
The want to die has always consumed me for no given reason that I am aware of. And most days feeling cut off from the world does not help...
Most times I believe that my dead brother is why... Though I have never seen or met him, being that he died before I was born, the want to join him is great. But I cling to the soft grass of this world and wont let go.
Other times I believe it was my past as a 5 year old... The seens flash in my head and the details of the rape are filling in with each flash back and it stings like a bee to watch. For the flash backs have the feeling, and it is as if I were there again, and disappearing before what I need to find out happens....
But nothing can stop it. The want to be released from this pain, and the horrifying dreams of my death.
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Confessions of my memory
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