Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

There's something about me that I don't quite understand.
Sometimes I wish I understood everything there is to know about everything. But even if I knew everything, I know it would drive me crazy.
Knowing each and every truth there is might even kill me.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm better off knowing nothing at all.
No worries, no stress, no problems.
But life doesn't play like that.
"If only" is always what I want and probably may never have.
"What is" is what kills me every morning I open my eyes, every afternoon I think about, and every night I hide under the sheets.

I may say I can handle it all, but thats just a mask I use to cover the emotions I put up with.
I see people walking everywhere and glance at their expressions.
Some filled with happiness in their faces, some filled with stress, sadness, even those with no expressions at all.
I think about how they put up with their lives, how they might be living.
Sometimes I wonder if they put a mask on to hide things just like me.

I really wish I knew how to cope more positively.
I wish I knew how to solve situational concepts with a decisive answer.
But I just can't.

And its driving me Crazy..