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"do you wish you were beautiful?"

i feel so satisfied with myself.
with my life,
with everything and the way it's been going.

but i also feel on edge.
awaiting the excitement of a new year.
i almost forgot this one was ending,
honestly, it doesn't feel like it.

does everyone come to the point where the years just blend together?
and when i do realize these years are different,
and that within each holds different things,
that are yet so very muc alike, it's as if i'm repeating my history.
doomed because of a lack of lesson to learn,
or having so much ignorance i just can't obtain that lesson.

still...
when i realize these years are different,
i feel panic within my heart.
it races, my breathing gets rigid,
i feel... frightened? excited? worried? happy? thrilled? depressed?

this year was a really good year, you know.
a lot better than i ever would've imagined.
i met you, bri, face to face.
got to really hear you laugh,
laugh at the idiots we surrounded ourselves with as we grew close.

laugh at the stupid people we let hurt one another,
let hurt ourselves.
laughed at the stupid things we did.
the things we still wanna do, regardless of how stupid.

i met a girl.
a girl much like a boy i had left the previous year.
and within her, i learned a better lesson than any before.
******** them all. nobody is worth anything,
no matter how badly you need them to be worth something to you...
they'll just let ya down.

only one person has proven that wrong,
buuut she's a million dollar girl. p:

looking back on this year though,
i just feel so much better than ever before.
this really was the year i hoped for.

so many lovers,
so many memories.
so many "regrets," but more importantly,
so many laughs. <3