Well, there's no harm in posting here about my horrible hating the world feelings. Not likely that anyone will read this. I'm so tired of complaining all the time, but i'm not sure how else to get rid of my anger, resentment, depression, anxiety. I'm one of those terrible people who have to share every little crappy thing that's been involved with me.
My husband may be a ******** intelligent a*****e, but he's got no COMMON sense or sensitivity whatsoever. "I am smart, and you are inferior". He's kinda like that. Not necessarily towards me, but to most people. He's very cold when it comes to my emotions. Whether i'm happy or sad..he doesn't care. He really thinks being sensitive to a woman's needs is irrelevant. He doesn't need to know about women and what they think and feel, it's pointless to him.
There is so much I want to write about how much I hate living here on a military base, about how much I hate most humankind..about my chronic migraines...I'd love to cry about how I miss my dad so much..or how I never see my damn brother even though he lives 40 minutes away. There is always some excuse not to see me. I've seen my twin brother in Phoenix more than i've seen my older brother here. My mom is a whack job who has been stuck in midlife crisis for over two years. She took up weed and smoking, AND she drinks much more than she used to. My poor poor dad. Ugh I wish I could help him some way.
Suicide? No...my problems may not be that bad compared to many other people..but to me...they are bad. I have very very high anxiety and depression. I'm in a constant worry. No one seems to understand why I am so upset all the time and they wonder why I can't just be happy. I'm tired of lying to please them. Screw you people. I'm a sad b***h and I won't pretend to be a happy girl just for you. yes, I complain a lot. I'm sorry for who I am.
Maybe one day I can learn to forget and forgive. But right now, i'm tired of doing it...just so I can be screwed in the end. My dad tells me never to expect people to return politeness, and that's what gets me so upset. Yeah, it's true.I've always been told how nice I am. And it's true. I went out of my way to be kind and polite throughout school and work. My teachers always liked me. My parents always got compliments about how "good" I am. But now that I am in the real world, that doesn't happen anymore. No one notices a nice person. Nice people don't get pats on the back. They finish last. Bad things happen to good people. Why? I went off tangent.
I"m in a fury right now. My mind is just all over the place.
 dolls in stitches · Sat Apr 23, 2011 @ 08:27pm · 0 Comments |
