I feel like I just need to isolate myself from everyone.
Even though at the same time it feels like I already have.
I can't believe in like 2 weeks I'll have basically quit Gaia;
I spent five years on this website, that's so crazy and almost unnatural.
Now? Now I do my best to blend in with a society I'll leave shortly after.
I think I'm going to put my phone somewhere in my room the last two weeks before school starts. The people I want to talk to I can't bare to make real conversation with anyway.
What happened to me? When did just being around people become so hard?
I try to tell myself that you're still going to care, but Nikki's right.
College will make you change into the "final" self you're destined to be, basically.
And you'll make some great friends. And then I won't matter.
And it'll happen so fast and I'll be so confused, and I'll just wallow in the dust of being born a year too late.
But you don't even care anymore, do you?
And if you do, why can't you just show me you care?
Everyone around me is turning into something foreign.
People I haven't had any interest or recollection of for such a long time are now trying to spend time with me.
I feel like I should appreciate this.
I feel like I need to change.
I feel like I need to grow up.
I feel like, maybe...
At some point soon you're going to say goodbye.
And I don't want to be broken when this happens.
So I think I may just disappear into the shadows.
Away from you and Luis.
Because neither of you really need me like I need you two.
And I don't even wanna show how badly I need the both of you;
Because it goes unappreciated, and then what's the point?
Also; you haven't even been getting on.
You're never going to know what's going on in my mind.
No surprise.
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Missa Defunctorum
praise the lost souls, it'll set yours free
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