Every time I become happy, something comes back and kicks me down, making me realize just how worthless I am again. I was so full of dreams in middle school, wanting to be a writer, wanting to play my clarinet, being excited about taking spanish class. There was so much I wanted to do.
Then high school came and those dreams fell apart. There's nothing I can do but wait for my death. I am of no use to society. I'm a burden on my own family. I always felt like making a few sacrifices to help would be enough.
Dad's in debt and nobody is trying to come up with ways to save money. I've started taking showers only when I go out so we can save on water. Stopped using my heater and my light to cut back on electricity. Keeping my phone off so I can save on my phone bill. Eating one meal a day to save on food. I can't do any more than that.
Even if I were to die, I realize funeral costs would be a burden on them. So I need to just... disappear. That way they'll have access to my money and won't have to worry about all those funeral costs.
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