I hate you what you did, Tony. I hate that you waited until I truly loved you. I hate that you lied. I hate that I can't figure out how you became so cruel. I almost hate you, except I only hate what you became. I love "Tony", I hate whoever you are now. Honest to God and with all my heart, because who you are now killed the one I loved, the one who loved me. All the love I had has turned to hate to keep me alive, and it's hardly enough because this is the shakiest hate I've ever had. It keeps falling apart and I'm not over anything. That's how deep inside my heart you crawled. And at first, it felt good. Havign you in my heart made me smile, everything felt warm. Not everything is, for lack of a better word, dead. Converted to metal to survive the spikes you grew. And completely ravaged by the words you said. SO I HATE YOU. I HATE HOW YOU USED TO BE PERFECT. I HATE HOW YOU LIED. LIAR. THAT'S THE FIRST WORD I THINK OF WHEN I WAKE UP. THE ONLY WORD I THINK OF WHEN I'M ALONE.
LIAR LIAR LAIR LAIR LAIR!!!! YOU'RE A LIAR. A LIAR, AND A CHEAT, AND A....A SICK HEARTLESS b*****d. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT MY OWN PERSONAL NICKNAME FOR YOU WAS SOMEDAYS?
Tony The Heartless.
Because you were hurtful. You were sick. In your final moments, when you were the most hurtful of all, I wished you would be miserable. After all those years I wanted you to be happy. After all the time I thought you deserved to be happy and nothing but good things, I wished bad things for you. Because you gave me nothing but bad things when you said your last piece. And I knew, I KNEW, you were just going to benefit....because you never loved me the way I loved you. It just took you three years to throw me away. b*****d. I LOVED YOU. MAY NOT SEEM LIKE IT NOW, BUT I REALLY HONESTLY DID.
I smiled like hell when we had this conversation:
You:"Do you even know how often I think of you?"
Me:"Probably...not that often, right?"
You:"Constantly."
I bet you...don't even think of me once now. I bet you burned my pictures. The boxes. I bet you burned the novel I sent. Everything. I bet it's all gone. I'm completely erased. AND YET I FIND YOU EVERYWHERE. And I can't throw anything away.
I found the first drawings I've ever drawn based on you. Soft In Pencil. The first one I ever showed you. I have one older than that, of our RS characters. The first thing I drew in a sketchbook. You never saw it. There are lots you've never seen. They're on my bedroom walls. which you;ll also never see.
I HATE YOU. I'M CRYING ALL OVER AGAIN. I HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME.
 kazuka78 · Mon Oct 31, 2011 @ 01:22am · 0 Comments |
