The very last time
That I ever speak.
The very last time
You'll ever know.
You taught me well.
I'll never trust anyone.
I know you hate me
Despite you saying contrary.
You make me feel awful.
Self destructive? Of course.
But somehow
I feel that pissing me off
is the wrong way to handle it.
I feel broken sometimes
Sometimes it feels like I need help
I DON'T ACTUALLY NEED IT.
I'm working towards fine.
But it's never enough for you.
Yes
My hurt and my anger break through
spontaneously
Sure I am fine somedays
I'm not perfect
I'm not always going to be happy.
You make me feel responsible
for being sad.
You make me feel wrong
for being angry.
I hate everyone.
I hate everything.
I don't trust anyone.
Not even you.
You're one of the reasons why.
You're proof that no one can deal with me.
The way I feel makes people hate me.
My emotions are all wrong.
And expressing them to others is just
mismanaging them.
The kid who broke my heart
One reason why I no longer trust.
The friend who turned on me
A second reason.
The friend I trusted enough to know
That I was really sad
Who then judged me harshly
and made me feel selfish
the third reason.
You almost inspired me to get better.
But instead you just make me angry now.
I can't discuss anything with you.
Not because you won't tell me what I want to hear.
Because the way you make me feel is ridiculous.
You make me feel ashamed for what I feel.
You make me embarassed for how sad I feel.
You make me feel like I'm not doing anything to
"fix" myself.
Now I never want anyone to know.
Never.
Never.
Never.
Author's note---You know who you are. I agree with you sometimes. I can admit that I am dark. Obviously. But I am so angry at the way you respond to how I want to manage my emotions. I'm healthier than you're aware of and sicker than most people are aware of.
I'm not hurting myself. I allow myself to have fun. There's just no way to adequately explain my system. It's not perfect. I don't know why talking to you pisses me off so much.
It's not because you won't tell me what I want. It's definitely the fact that you make me feel wrong. When I know I'm fine.
 kazuka78 · Wed Dec 21, 2011 @ 05:42am · 0 Comments |
