Mardi, le 27 Decembre.
There's a lot on my mind. Christmas has passed and I'm trying everything to fill the void that it left. "It" being the Christmas feeling and spirit. This happens every year after Christmas, and it gets worse after New Year's. It's like there is nothing to look forward to: No hope for man kind or something like that. Regardless, I know it must pass. I'm sorta putting my love-life on the backburner for now, it doesn't really have a place in my life at all at this moment. It will most likely just cause more stress and I can not afford that. My love life just recently died down to be honest, that stupid boy took my heart and I had to fight so ******** hard to get it back. I literally spent a week in my room contemplating over my feelings. I hate having them, these feelings. I know I am a logical person and feelings just don't work! And Chris, I do not know why he wants to get back with me. It was out of no where. I asked me if he truely loved me because I did not believe him. I know he doesn't know the meaning of it. I understand him he says, but in my opinion that does not mean love follows suit. I want to love him: understand what he means and acutally believe him, but I simply cannot do that. He says he understands that I need time. Little does he know, giving me time will just have the little bit of feelings I had for him simmer down to almost nothing. He's the sweetest thing, I just do not know if it's him I want to invest my feelings in. I did once, and it didn't really work out. We are very different people. In relationships, I am very different. I don't show much emotion and I don't really act like I care about the person, even when I care a great deal about them. That's a flaw of mine I would like to fix. My problem with my feelings is that I don't want just anyone to get them in full flow. When I do trust someone with my feelings, they do not know how to handle them and I end up being hurt. I'm not keen on getting my feelings hurt.
-Ash
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In a nutshell.
Uhm, stuff. c;
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