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Hey, ain't no thang, bud. I'm not gonna PM this even though it is personal, because I am an honest person (on the internet)

I had never really enjoyed life. I have a burden that I do not really share with others in real life. See, in kindergarten,I thought I was wrong, I had a crush on my best friend, Morgan. I was born in a Catholic family and they are very jugemental. I ignored these feelings I had for girls for years and would lie about who I 'liked' and so-forth in 6th grade. In Jr. High, a woman walked past me and I remember thinking "damn, she's hot! wait. what am I thinking?" I cried myself to sleep for not being 'normal.' In other words, straight.

I didn't know that this is howI would spend the next many years of my life. I began harming myself to take away the emotional pain. To not look suspicious, I would tell my friends when they asked about which boy I liked, wihch boy I wanted to be the most

Money is hard to come by now-a-days in my family and no job will accept me so I cannot aford this surgery to make me happy. Essentially, that is all I want.

For a few years, I saved up to by myself the sugery, but when I came back, al I had was $200. I was hurting myself and others, cuting acros my chest to express the hatred I have on myself and the body being born in to like it is some kind of joke God played on me. So I let go of God.

I was then sent to a treatment center for 2 years in Utah where everytime I got close to another girl, I was put on no-contact with her because there, being gay is terifying for those Mormons. I couldn't takethe way they saw me and the way I saw myself so I tried to kill myself with one of their kitchen knives, but I was put on suicide watch until after my stitches were removed. I felt abnormal.

Now that I am out of that hel hole in utah, my parents think I am cured, meaning that I am no-longer lesbian, but I canot tel them that I wish to be a man. I hear what they say about gays and transexuals, like Chaz Bono. My brother calls them all fags. My brother is my best friend who raised me when my parents weren't home. They needed to support our family, but my brother supported me.

Now I have a therapist and we talk about these desires in private, she gives me advice about the procedure and finding more people out there like myself. Always wishing but iving in fear.

My best advice to you: You are not alone