My mother is both my mother and father. My dad doesn't Fuc*ing understand that i'm still a kid and s**t still creeps me the ******** out. He doesn't understand i still miss being held or going to the pool WITH him instead of myself. He doesn't understand that i absolutly hate being the only kid in a complex. He doesn't understand that he is the most embarrising mother ******** because we have to live with my grandmother and he's nearly in his ******** 40s. He doesn't understand why my mother gets so distrusting of him since he stopped cheating. He doesn't understand that i actually like to play things and get dress up and go out to the mall and everything a girl likes to do. He doesn't understand i can be bitchy and a tomboy. He doesn't understand i miss playing video games with him and i hate having to sit next to him and watch him play waiting for my turn. Well guess what Wendol? I ******** hate you for what you did to our family, how i had to watch mom cry as you were out with that Ho Jackie who then proceeded to text mom saying she's an unfit mother and all of that s**t she thinks she knows about me when she doesn't have a ******** clue. I ******** hate you for tearing my family apart from everything you did, The lies hurt me and mom. I know we weren't a normal family with both of mom and your anger issues. Mom took classes and dealt with it and apparently so did you but it never ******** helped. I was ******** 8 dad 8! when you put me through all that s**t. I still remember the first night, you and mom were having one of your fights. I was stil innocent i just thought you were fighting to fight when i snuck downstairs and saw the table chipped and the yelling from your room. I barely made it into my room right before mom charged in and asked "Do you know who this woman is?". She was angry i could tell and i stared at the picture on your phone. She looked as young as a 20 something year old. I said no of course, she was a stranger to me at the time. The next thing i knew things were getting more complicated when in the summer you invited her to auntie's house. Why would you do that? My cousins were still awake and no one knew who she was except for me you and auntie. When i pull you over and asked why you bring her here and she overheard did you think i really ******** cared that the woman who caused one of my parent's biggest fights from 2007 to now had her feelings hurt? Didn't you think you hurt mom's and mine's when you went out with her? Then you had me get to know her daughter and her. I fell in love with her daughter but not her, i could never love her now i think about it. I was a naive kid dad how could you do that to me? Then we moved in with her when i thought i liked her. Do you know how many times we nearly got caught being with that b***h? The fights became more frequent, every god damn couple of months and every god damn time i was caught between them. Dad i used to be happy and carefree haven't you seen that i don't go outside anymore and i don't have any friends outside of school? The friends i don't even see that much because you're too lazy to take us anywhere. My friends who some of them are fakers how can you not see? You were my best friend and how can you not see through this masked smile? Couldn't you see with your constant teasing over my weight when i was 100 but 5'5' made me cry? Didn't you see when i was eating so much was because i skip breakfast to make it to school and lunch because the food is horible? I wish for one day we could switch spots when i was younger and it was one of your fights to see what i had to go through. Do you not remember me being in the back of your car and finally breaking down and crying? Do you not remember mom stopping the fight with you to ask if i was ok? My heart and body screamed "NO! I'm not alright! I'm sick and tired of all of this fighting when will it end? When will you guys decide to get together for good or not be with each other at all?!? I'm sick of not being able to invite friends over because i live with my grandparents!" but all i did was shake my head yes. Why didn't you see through that lie?!? Now here i sit downstairs all alone listening to family portait. I've even made the lyrics change to fit my problems you want to hear it?
"Momma please stop crying,
i can't take the sound.
Your pain is painful and it's tearing down.
I hear glasses breaking as i sit up in my bed.
I told god you didn't mean those nasty things you said.
You fight about money, about me your daughter.
This is what i come home to
this is my shelter.
It ain't easy growing up in world war three.
Never knowing what love could be you'll see i don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family.
Dad please stop yelling
(Stop)
I can't stand the sound
(Can't stand the sound)
Make Mama stop cryin'
'Cause I need her around
My mama, she loves you
(I know it)
No matter what she says is true
I know that you hurt her
Ane because of it i don't love you like i used too
I ran away today
Ran from the noise, ran away
(Ran away)
Don't wanna go back to that place
But don't have no choice, no way
In our family portrait
(In our family portrait)
We look pretty happy
(We look pretty happy)
Let's play pretend
(Let's play pretend)
Let's act like it comes naturally
(That's right)
(That's right)
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
(No, no)
I don't want two addresses
(No)
I don't want a stepsister anyways
And I don't want my Mommy
Have to change her last name!
In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
We look pretty normal
Let's go back to that
In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
Let's play pretend
Act like it goes naturally"
...........................................................You ruined my childhood and made me grow up so fast. But all i have to say is this
............................... ...................................................... ............... Daddy how could you?
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