Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

"Mommy? Mommy? Where are you Mommy?" I heard no response so I crept silently through the house trying to figure out where she was. "Mommy I'm scared. What was that bang? please Mommy come out from where your hiding!" I was five my Daddy had already left me and my mother months ago. Mommy said it was because of me, that I had been bad and Daddy couldn't stand to deal with me. I tried so hard to be good and to never upset her. But I was always bad and bad girls get punished. I had bruises and burns all over my body from Mommy's punishment. I never stopped loving her though. We never saw family and I had no siblings she was all I had left in this world.
After Daddy left the punishment got worse. She was constantly drunk and angry. I would wake up to her bursting in my room and screaming 'It's all your fault! You ruin everything!' she would strangle me and burn me with her cigarette. I always begged for her forgiveness promising her I would be good. She never listened and never stopped. I would cry myself to sleep at night wishing Daddy would come and save me. Take me away from here, away from her. Daddy never came for me he left me here with her, alone to be the outlet for her anger.Then one day she brought home a man. He was large,covered in tattoos and smelled like Mommy after a binge. The first few days he was here things got better, then all that changed. With this man here Mommy drank more that meant I got more punishment. After the punishment was over Mommy would fall asleep on the couch and I returned to bed. I was crying with the covers pulled over my head when I heard the door shut. I quickly uncovered my face hoping Mommy hadn't woken up. It wasn't Mommy it was him,I looked at him confused why he was in my room. He put his finger over his mouth "sssssh your Mommy's sleeping" he came over and got into my bed "What are you doing?" I asked him as I climbed out of bed. He gave me an evil smile " I'm going to make you feel special,come lay down or I'll wake your Mommy up and tell her your being a bad girl" I didn't want to listen to him but I didn't want to make Mommy angry. I laid back down and tightly closed my eyes.
By the time he left the room I was wishing I was dead. I prayed he wouldn't come back to make me feel 'special' again. My prayers were never answered because he came back every night after that. Months went on that way till I finally asked for help "Mommy...I need help" I said this quietly hoping she would save me from this awful man."What do you want" She sounded annoyed but not mad. " James, hurts me. Down there" I was eight and didn't know how to explain what this man was doing to me. "Liar" I began to cry "Mommy please help me,I just want it to stop" She looked at me crying there "Why would you try to steal him from me? You little slut!" She hit me then with such force I fell to the ground. " I'm sorry Mommy. I'm sorry" I curled into a ball on the ground and accepted the beating.
Things never got better and no one ever came to save me. After years of Mother's beatings,her boyfriend's raping me, and kid's at school bullying me because of my ragged clothes and sickly appearance. I finally snapped. I had looked up on the school computer about murderers,I had studied where they went wrong and learned from their mistakes. One night when after Mother fell asleep I set my plan in motion. I pulled on winter gloves on,and grabbed the twine. I wrapped the twine around my hands tightly leaving twelve inches in the middle. I crept into Mothers room she was laying on her bed. I stood at the head of the bed,I had butterfly's in my stomach and a evil smile on my face.I kicked her hard. She awoke sitting up immediately I quickly trapped her throat in the middle of the twine. I twisted the twine to get a better grip and I began to chock her. My blood was pumping adrenaline through my veins. " How do you like it Mommy! Do you like feeling helpless!" She was flailing her hands trying to claw me. I began to laugh.
Her body started to go limp and I released her. I checked her pulse to make sure she was really and felt nothing. I was finally free! A wave of happiness and excitement came over me. "You are so gorgeous when you smile" I quickly turned to the door way where I heard that deep voice. I saw a man there he was tall, with dark hair,lean frame and he was clean shaved. "who- who are you" My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach I never thought I would get caught killing my mother. Who was this stranger he was too young to be anyone Mother would date. "My name is Μανία." He came over to me and pulled me into a passionate kiss. I was startled and confused but this kiss was so gentle and his lips were so inviting I returned his kiss.That was the first time Μανία came to me, he only comes when I do terrible things.
I hadn't killed anyone in two weeks. I was a little on edge because I hadn't seen him. I kept reminiscing on the first time I met him. Why doesn't he come to me when I'm not killing? Was he seeing another woman? No, not my Μανία. Although I couldn't be the only woman serial killer in this state. Μανία Loved me he would never hurt me, right? I was losing my mind. I had to see him. I needed to distract myself. I threw on some eye liner and eye shadow giving my eyes a smokey look. Then I went over to my closet and changed into a tight black sleeveless dress,thigh high fishnets with black stilettos. I looked in the full length mirror checking myself out. I didn't look terrible my brown curls were laying loosely down to the middle of my back. The dress emphasized my pale skin and was short enough that you could see the top of my tights. I threw on my beautiful black fur,grabbed my purse and got into my car. I loved looking dramatic when I went out to look for my prey. I found that dressing this way made them come to me. I was going to just sit at the bar get a little drunk and make myself forget that he even existed.
I walked into the club techno music and a combination of sex and booze filled my senses. This club was normally filled with goths,punks and the occasional emo. Why these people like to throw labels around makes little sense. But they're style fit my own so I felt more comfortable. I went over to the bar and ordered two double shots of vodka. Liquor made it easy to deal with my prey in public. I had a bit of an anger problem when dealing with the idiots I snuffing out. The bartender gave me my shots and I downed one in a big gulp. I held the other one in my hand and looked out towards the dance floor. I begin to skim the crowed looking for someone that look appealing for my lonely appetite. I spotted him he had a shaved head,a leather vest with spikes coming out the shoulders, and was at least six foot give or take a few inches. I made eye contact with him from across the bar then gave him a seductive look followed by a wink. He looked behind him then looked back at me mouthing 'me?' I giggled and nodded at him. He probably thought I giggled because I found him cute. Ha. He began to make his way through the crowd and over to where I was standing. I took the shot I had in my hand and gulped it down. Now for the pretending dance to begin.
He leaned on the bar next to me "I've seen you here before,but I only ever see you with girls. So beautiful what can I do for you" He looked me up and down leaning close to me. " I've found myself growing bored with girls, I need something different" I turned and ordered a sex on the beach. " That makes sense. sorry but I'm gay." he said trying to keep a straight face but burst up laughing. I faked a giggle "that would be a real pity,because then I would have to find someone else in this place to help me with my loneliness." I could have lied but I was lonely and if I was just going to kill him why not tell him the truth its not like anyone else would know. " You lonely? I find that hard to believe,I bet you could have anyone you want." He raised an eyebrow at me mocking my statement. I'm not sure if it was because he mocked me or if I was just so desperate for male affection but I decided to play with my prey. "Believe it or not people find me intimidating and don't bother trying to get me. I always have to try and get someone else to approach or make the first move. Its exhausting." I leaned into him playing with one of the spikes on his jacket. I noticed the leather had a tint of blood around the bottom of the spike. Probably from a nose bleed or fight with another punk. He seemed uncomfortable letting me play with the spike especially when he saw I noticed the blood. He kissed me then. It was random,rough,and forceful. I returned the force pressing our body's together and biting his bottom lip playfully. I pulled away from him finished my drink and grabbed his hand leading him to a darker quiet part of the club. "Whats your name?" I asked as I pushed him against the wall "Dylan. Your's?" I shoved my lips against his while my hands trace his ab's I broke the kiss for a moment "Lillian. Call me Lilly"
After awhile things got heated. He took my hands and pinned them above my head "oh getting kinky are we?" I asked smirking at him "Depends do you like it kinky?" He asked tightening his grip "Sweetie I like it rough,kinky doesn't exactly describe what I like to do in bed" I began to kiss his neck but then bit down causing him to moan. His free hand traced the top of my tights and I wiggled in an attempt to encourage more. I think this just encouraged him to tease me more "please" I whispered but instead of continuing he just kissed me roughly. "not here I respect my woman more then that" he whispered in my ear nibbling on my earlobe. "Hey! Get a room or is your girl just that big of a slut she wants everyone to see!" the man came up beside us he looked like a biker. Dylan released my hands and turned to the man that interrupted us. "You don't want to start something with me,apologise to her now"Dylan's voice was deep and threatening but the other man just laughed "Yeah okay,sorry your such a slut babe" Dylan's jaw tightened and in one quick move he punched the guy so hard he was on the floor. "I need to go. come with me?" my eyes went from the biker knocked out on the floor to Dylan's outstretched hand "my car is parked outside"I grabbed his hand and we left.
I found myself thinking of Dylan as more then just prey I was playing with. He intrigued me he was forceful,controlling,and mean spirited.