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This is my apology. So bear with me, you don't have to accept it, reply, or any of that.
But this is for you. So do whatever you will with it.

I'm sorry for losing sight of our friendship.
I'm sorry for pushing you away.
I'm sorry I let my fears get in the way.

I am definitely sorry that I lost you.

But more than that, I'm sorry if I hurt you in the process of whatever psychotic state of mind I was in. I've been in a dark place for a lot longer than you can imagine.

I guess I could have tried to explain these things to you, but for whatever reason I think people should be able to read my mind. I guess I just feel as if the world revolves around me in such a way.

But today, finally, I feel as though I was set free.
My biggest worries were finally put to rest today, and this week has allowed me to not only open my eyes to everything going on with myself, my family, and my still standing relationships with few special people, but it has also allowed me to realize the things I have done wrong that need careful attention.

And the person I've wronged the most is you, which sickens me. We were best friends for crying out loud, and I just shoved you out the door.
I know you're not one that is easily scathed by things, but I imagine something like this breaking my heart, so if I have even left a paper cut on your heart, I am incredibly sorry.

I wish I could fix things so effortlessly, but life isn't like that. I'd love to reconnect with you someday, but I think you've made it clear that's not an option. Or maybe I've imagined it, I'm not sure. I don't really know anything anymore other than I have my family and my heart.

I've found peace in most of my current situations, I hope you have to.
Its not healthy for the heart to go this long, aching and hurting, which I know I've said before.

But I do still ache, and I think that's because I know I've owed you this apology for a long while. So here it is.

Neglect it, trash it, pretend you didn't read it.
But it's on the table. And its only for you, Bri.

I'm sorry, for everything.