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Inside and Outside

Theyll cut me open,
They will stitch me up,
They will leave a scar
For me to live with

This scar will be large
This scar will be mine
This scar tells a story
This scar is mine

Theyll tug out a tumor
Cut extra tissue for safety
Make me bleed
And leave a dent

The dent wont heal for years
The dent will be covered
Or belonging with a scar
A white scar that may be jagged
It may be straight
It may be beautiful
It may be dark

It will constantly be with me
It isnt my fault
No one can blame me
No one can point it out
But i know they will

Theyll point it out
Theyll ask questions
If they dont already know

My scar may bring me down
Cause a slash or scar
A scar in my spirit
My confidence hindered

How should i feel about this
I feel scarred
I feel imperfect
I know its wrong
It shouldnt bother me
It isnt me that caused it
But it feels wrong
It feels gross
It feels horrid
And i havent even had surgery yet

So many things to fear
So many things to fret
So many things can go wrong
So many things are on my mind
Others try to help
They all try to calm me
But they dont understand
No one can

Im anxious and so fearful
Its so close
I can practically feel it
My tumor though
I feel it
I can put my hand around it
My back is flawed
The tumor takes its toll

And so many things are on my mind
So many things to think about
There are so many things
What do i do

Its getting closer
All i can do is try to prepare
Idont have to go threw with it
I dont have to go under the knife
Its a slow growing tumor
But its gross

It can only be surgically removed
Theyll numb and then cut
Ill feel tugging
Will it hurt

People believe they calmed me
They all think im ok
But im not
Im such a mess
I hurt so much
Constantly
I want to break down and cry
But i wont
Too much pride

This is the last i have to say
I need to listen to others
Or be more involved in their nonsense
If i dont they might pick on me
And make my stess and feelings crack
So ill come back
Later