well, for a very brief while there i was able to not fight AS MUCH with people in my household but now its as bad as before, if not worse. . . . . now im even fighting with my mom. . . . because i suddenly realized that lately the only time she communicates with me is when she has something to complain about (which angers me, stresses me, or just makes me feel guilty) or when she finds some random thing on the internet that isnt really very entertaining and on top of that its usually when im trying to tell her about something to get some of the frustration out. . . .
supposedly, the reason why i have depression(which they wont give me meds for cuz they think counciling can fix it) is because i dont have anyone to talk to. . . . so, really im being sent to a councilor so that i have someone to talk to. . . . but it stopped helping after the first meeting. . . . the first one was pretty good. . . . but after that i realized that i cant talk there either. . . .
things are going back to the way they were in the fall when i was failing classes and couldnt get myself to even leave my room unless it was for my once-a-day feeding or for school . . . . i had massive trouble sleeping . . . . i thought id found a way around it- turning on my tv to drown out any possible negative thoughts. . . . but now it just always seems so loud and my thoughts are even louder. . . . but that doesnt matter when i cant even get my a** to bed now . . . .
o yeah, and i hafta have 4 teeth pulled, a decision in which i had absolutely no say. . . . and im becoming really emo(the negative side at least)
it feels like nothing can make me happy any more and it really sucks. . . . even my drawings arent helping. . . . and i can only get small pieces of scenes for potential stories. . . . and the same parts show over and over again. . . .
Unni Ineo · Fri Apr 21, 2006 @ 04:16am · 0 Comments |