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I haven't even looked at my Gaia profile in years! When I finally looked at it today I felt a mix of embarrassment and horror at some of the entries I had. In the end, I deleted all but two: one without any real relevance and the other a collection of badly written poems. Why keep these two?

The irrelevant entry may have been because it was just that, something that meant absolutely nothing to my current self yet still was found humorous. Maybe it was because of how innocent I had been when I had posted it, how little I cared for appearing like an idiot. It was when I had such a strong self-esteem that I didn't need to ask how I looked or use false narcissism before I could experience the day. It was when the little things really did mean something, before I had to succumb to greed to remember that.

Next, the collection of poems, they were kept for another reason altogether. I feel like my only reason for allowing their existence to remain is because it shows how I felt about my life, how chill my life is today and how I've grown as a writer. If I re-wrote those poems, I'm not sure if I'd had the passion or feeling to back them up as when they were first created. Perhaps if I dug deep enough I could relocate those feelings; but why go looking for old depression and anger? Why would I want to resurface a me who I care nothing for?

I've changed, if not for the better than for the worst. Who I once was cannot truly return, not fully. The me who I currently am is much more real than the memories of the old me, and so the cycle will go throughout the rest of my days. One day I may look back on this very entry with the same emotions of terror and shame, but for now it is a reflection on my earlier being.