Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Um... so my whole world basically fell apart. Too long to explain, I'll give you the short version. My friend was my world, my compass, everything to me. And lately I've been noticing a change... but I didn't realize how big of one. We've always been in sync, we haven't had a disagreement in years and all of the sudden the person I knew disappeared. And I was so lost, so desperate, so sad, that I think I plunged in right after her. And I can't see myself anymore.

Day and night
I think about a way
Something to get me through
Something besides this

Slip slip slip and you’re gone
Down a hill
One so steep and dark
You can’t find your way back

And where am I in this?
How are my feelings to you?
Are they dear?
Or am I expendable if I don’t agree?

Has all this meant nothing,
All the work to keep pure
Stick together and we’ll make it through anything.
That’s what we said.

But now you’ve lost it
Stopped trying to be your best
And made an effort to taint yourself,
Wrapped in a coat of ash.

I sit on the edge of the hill,
Lowering myself further and further
But always pulling away
Pulling up, back to myself.

Where am I?
I’ve sunk too far this time.
Got myself too deep in the darkness
Unable to see the light to direct me.

Where is this place?
Who have I become?
What mistakes must I correct to get up?
And what holes must I fill to pull you back with me?

The very tip-top of my eyes
Register the light
And as I claw my way back up
Sobs flow through me

Resting on the hill
I know if I go back
There will be very little chance of coming
To myself again.

But what of you?
My dear
Something I cannot leave
Is left behind.

And so I submerge
Throw my body in without a thought
Body, mind and heart
But my soul stays behind.

Where am I?
So tainted now, unknowing of the outside
Unknowing of the past
The future hard to accept.

Where am I?
I don’t recognize this place, but also
Most of all
I don’t recognize my reflection.

Where am I?
Unrecognizable, damaged
Unchanged yet so different
Always fighting for you.

Who am I?
I have lost it
My soul hasn’t been seen
And I am gone with it.