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. . . i don't really know why, but i'm sad. i got back from silver dollar city (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's an amusement park) with my friends, but i just wasn't happy. i pretended to be, but i'm good at acting around certain people. i don't even know why i am sad... i feel guilty for something, but i'm not sure what. i miss my friend, who passed away a couple years ago. i can't really remember when, i'm like that. i can never remember things. i found the card stating that he was dead today. his wife used to write me a lot, and she must feel so alone. i even feel alone. she hasn't written me in months. i hope she hasn't died either. that would honestly break my heart. more than it already is. i'm not one to usually complain, but i can't even listen to music without crying, and music is what i usually spend my time doing. it really sucks. it was so weird last night. i just broke down and cried for no reason. i feel really stupid, and dead.