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Wow I haven't updated this in ages...I guess I kinda forgot, plus I've been pretty busy with other things lately, I'm never online as often as I used to be.

Anyway...I was doubting whether I should put this in my journal as I really wanted to keep this private...but I need to write it down to try and help me sort out my mind. This time it's not about my love life, or even myself really...it's about my brother. I have two younger brothers, but the youngest is...well to put it bluntly he is a complete a**. I ******** hate him. I've only been feeling this way the last couple of months but it's been getting worse and worse. I find myself despising him, hating him, wanting to kill him (not exaggerating here).

He's coming up to the age of 16 and we've never got on really well, we always argued and fought and got on one another's nerves but I'd always take care of him just as an older sister should. I'd buy him presents for his birthday, talk to him and generally be civil if nothing else. However, I guess it started since he started hanging around with this guy Ben, he's like 21 and he hangs out with 15 year olds - which is obviously a bit...wrong isn't it? Well I never liked Ben, I hate him and everytime I look at him it got me aggravated. It wasn't until about a month or so since they'd been hanging out. (probably towards the end of the summer) that me and my other brother Liam - aka the nice brother - started noticing that things were going missing from his room. These things were mainly computer games and dvds, at first we didn't think much of it since it was only a couple of the older games that we didn't notice as much, but get this. A few months on and about ten years plus worth of game collecting has been reduuced to about 15 measly games.

I'll type up the list of the games that we've noticed have been stolen, though obviously there is a whole lot more that I have yet to discover. I'll edit this journal page everytime I do find something else has gone missing.

1. Dark Cloud (ps2)
2. Zelda Majora's Mask (N64)
3. Zelda Windwaker (Gamecube)
4. GTA (vice city + san andreas)
5. Resident Evil 4 Limited Edition (xbox)
6. G surfers (ps2)
7. Far Cry (xbox)
8. Pariah (xbox)
9. Tales of Symphonia
10. Final Fantasy Crystals (Gamecube)
11. Vampire Night (ps2)
12. Virtual Cop
13. Dino Hunter (ps2)
14. Mario Kart Double Dash (Gamecube)
15. Guilty Gear X-2 (ps2)
16. Mario Party 6 (Gamecube)
17. Tekken Tag (ps2)
18. Time Splitters (xbox)
19. Devil May Cry 3 (ps2)
20. Panzer Dragoon
21. Doom 3 special collectors edition (xbox)
22. Project Zero 2 The Crimson Butterfly. (xbox)
23. Gun (xbox)

Now onto the films, I have yet to find out all of these though since I don't remember as much as I do the games.

1. Shrek 2
2. Pirates of the Carribean
3. Shawn of the Dead
4. Hero
5. Brother Bear
6. Blade 2
7. Johnny English
8. Rush Hour
9. Spongebob Movie

Other things he has stolen are as follows:

1. Coldplay Albums x3
2. Mini Disc Player

So as you can see that is a huge amount especially when stealing from your own family. It makes me sick and angry, so ******** god damn angry. You would not believe how pissed off this gets me and it can't be healthy. I've basically completely blocked him out now, I'm cold to him and I never talk to him and he knows how much I hate him. He hits me when he gets the chance, comes into my room when I'm sleeping and hits me, he taunts me and swears at me for no reason at all just because he wants to watch me get angry. I know I shouldn't get so annoying but seriously, the more I try to stay in control the more I get put into these uncontrolaable rages.

He steals from his family and he shows them no respect!

I think the worst part of it is the fact that my parents sit back and do nothing, they're quite happy to give him money every day and spoil their little baby. *rage* That is what gets me more annoyed, and even Liam who has had more stuff stolen than me seems to be nice to him. I hate them for not backing me up, for not being strict with him and I hate myself for getting so angry.

No one understands except for my boyfriend and he gets just as aggitated as me, especially when he sees how upset it makes me.

Home isn't home anymore.

Home is hell.

Home...what is home? I can't remember the last time I felt truly happy here unless my mind is with something else like a computer game or I'm with my boyfriend.

I tried talking to him, I tried shouting at him, I tried beating him up and I even tried giving him a taste of his own medicine.

A few weeks back I stole his darts, and he threw a massive tantrum and I just sat here on the computer listening to him with a smile on my face. Revenge never felt so sweet. Yet it doesn't seem to have worked either.

Just before I typed this up I had a massive fight with him, he had shoes on and just kicked me so I didn't have much of a chance. I fell backwards and hit my head on the side of the chair so now I have a massive headache. Anyway after he went upstairs I stole his snooker cue, I didn't have time to hide it properly though so I tucked it away behind a corner and he went around the house stressing and I couldn't help but feel happy. The only thing that annoyed me was the fact that after a lot of searching he actually found it. It must have been pretty obvious that I'd stolen it but meh...he didn't ask.

Now I'm plotting my next move.

I'm going to steal his dartboard - his most prized possesion - and I'm either going to sell it or smash it up. I haven't decided yet.

But I can't help thinking why he does this...why he hurts and steals from his family and shows them no respect. Is it because...could it possibly be...drugs? If he'sdoing drugs then that is it. I swear I'll strangel the f-ing b*****d, I swear it! How dare he do such a stupid, horrible and terrible thing.

Ah well...I'm going to ponder on this more.

Over and out!

Kim~

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