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So we made it to the parade, thinking we'd be late. Ha. We got there an hour before it started, with plenty of time to find a place to park, settle, and even have a petty argument. I didn't get too silly at first, but it didn't take long. Right after a picture, I saw someone on a float throwing larger than normal beads. I felt like a football player, the way I shot through a gap in the gathering of people, shouting. One pair of beads I caught were really nice, all three colors, with flag shaped pieces. It was also heavy, and hurt like heck when it smacked my hand. The rain did come though, and if it wasn't for the fact my hair had just been done, I would've stayed there and continued on. Instead I ran underneath the back door of the van and tried to get some attention from there. It worked, too, for the most part. I don't know what to do with the beads, but they were a lot of fun to catch. No one expects me to be serious, that's part of the fun.

So I'm sleepy, and deciding to put 'that' off for another night. I know I mentioned being able to put myself out of my comfort zone, but ever since then, my nerve has done a vanishing act. Maybe I jinxed it. I'm just waiting for a moment when looking at the screen doesn't make my stomach do some Olympic level flips. I know what it is that makes me afraid, and it's stupid. I'm afraid of what he thinks of me. If he even dignified me. To be honest, I almost wish he hasn't. I regret sending it, just a tiny bit. Did I lose all of his respect? Did I put myself in the crazy category? Even if all of that was true, I feel like I deserve something. It's always going to be easier to avoid something scary or nerve wracking, but it's not cool when it involves another person.

Why didn't he take the olive branch? That's what I don't understand. And it's just he and I. It's not like it's between anyone else, and I am not a scary person. I wonder, if he thinks I'm just trying to get with him or something. That's so embarrassing. I admit that my feelings are still there, even now, but that's my problem. I would have kept that in check. It's not like he came to talk to me that much in the first place, but I would have looked forward to it anyway...