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Maybe It Isn't the Truth
Journal entries, archive stuff, etc.
Contest Entries II
03/09/14

Miss Ruckus

1 fixed Yellow lab (8 years old)
1 intact boxer (3 years or younger)
small room
1 rawhide bone

Remove Yellow lab from room and insert Boxer. Allow boxer to get comfortable and begin chewing on the bone. Re introduce Yellow Lab, Agitate the lab with play. Leave the room and observe the chaos, and or humping.


shotbystars

Recipe for Disaster

1 bottle of hair dye (your choice of color)
1 set gloves
assorted newspaper
1 bathroom with tile floor
1+ carpet room(s) in house
1+ hyper dog(s)
1 clumsy person

Arrange newspapers on bathroom counter, along with gloves, and hair dye on edge of counter. Add dog(s) into said bathroom. Add clumsy person into bathroom, knocking over the bottle, mixing hair dye into the floor. Add a dash of hyper dog to hair dye, and have dog run around house, leaving hair dye paw prints on carpet. neutral


Midnightglow18
1 remote control
1 toddler
1 crazed mom
1 med size house

Take 1 med sized house, at the temp of 80 F, mix in a lost remote. Then throw in a dash of silly toddler. Toss in 1 crazed mom, running around the house like a nut, only to find out at the end of the night that the dash of toddler had nothing to do with it. Then enjoy Al La Husband found the remote on top of the chair in the living room.


Amethyst Tenshi
Ingredients:
1 very greasy floor
A twerking instructor
A Miley Cyrus cd
A group of old people
Evil laughter

Directions:
1.) Carefully escort old people onto greasy dance floor
2.) Add 2 1/2 cups of instructions from the twerking instructor
3.) Mix in 3 table spoons of Miley Cyrus songs form cd
4.) Drop the bass 3 times
5.) Add 8 ounces of evil laughter and leave mixture to set.


Manifold_Animagus


Recipe for Disaster

3 dashes of not thinking
5 Teenage Boys
1 Children's park playground
3 Teenage Girls
5 pounds of believing you are immortal
1/2 Cup flirty glances
4 1/2 tblspn of rust

Directions:

-Sprinkle 4 1/2 tblspn of rust on children's park playground
-Gently mix 3 teenage girls with children's park playground.
-Separately combine teenage boys and 5 pounds of believing you are immortal.
-Mix previously combined ingredients together.
-Add 1/2 cup of flirty glances.
-Wait 5 minutes. (Boys will naturally migrate to most dangerous area.)
-Add 3 dashes of not thinking.


eittol
        Teddy Bear Smoothie Surprise

        1 five year old child
        2x teddy bear (dietary information: 100g of stuffing, 25g cotton wool to replace missing stuffing - apply to each toddler)
        2x 500ml Sunny D high sugar fruit drink (apply to each toddler lavishly)
        1 rotary ceiling fan (warning: contains 5 rotary blades)
        30kg of male friend providing 200% encouragement
        2x tired and stressed mothers (apply to each toddler)

        Mothers
        1) place toddlers equidistant from seated mothers and the centre of the room, where the ceiling fan should be rotating at full speed
        2) make sure the room is heated to 30 degrees centigrade via a summer's sun or fan shall not be in use and recipe will turn out not as expected
        3) blanche the toddlers with the Sunny D high sugar fruit drink in order to get them nice and hyper. again, this is essential to the success of the recipe
        4) give toddlers their identical stuffed teddy bears
        5) to ensure the greatest tragedy for this Disaster, it is recommended you pay as little attention as possible

        Toddlers
        1) let the toddlers drink up all the high sugared fruit drink, they will need this for later in the recipe and it is important to soak up the sugars early in order to maximise the Disaster
        2) toddlers should throw the bears around 1m in the air to warm up the throwing arms as these may become delicate following too much strain - adult supervision is not necessary if aiming for Ultimate Disaster (see p.2)
        3) now nice and sugared and warmed up, toddlers should begin to throw their bears higher in the air
        4) the ceiling fan should now catch a toddler's bear and proceed to shred the thin material evenly and spread the stuffing sparingly across the room
        5) tears are to be expected.

        What d'you think? This totally wasn't a true story or anything... u_u I'm sorry Huggy Bear



Tannsi


Ingredients needed:
1. A mother in labor with her first baby.
2. A nervous father.
3. Two visiting friends, male and female, who are overly helpful.

The mother comes out and announces it's time to the hospital. The father, and two friends jump up at once and bump into one another. The husband runs to the phone. The female friend shouts it was her job to call the doctor. She gets the suitcase instead. The male friend shouts that was his job. The pregnant woman shouts for her coat. The female friend grabs the coat, and the expectant father shouts that was his job, so she goes to open the door. The father throws the coat at the male friend, runs by the door and grabs the female friend, and heads to the car to get to the hospital. The male friend realizes his girlfriend was taken, not the pregnant woman. He goes to retrieve his girlfriend.

The pregnant mother waddles out the door. "Hey, wait for me."


ptsluvsnfl
RECIPE FOR A SOCIAL DISASTER.

My mother and younger sisters refer to our late-night loopiness as 'the family curse'.

This old recipe is an old favorite of the T household:

'T Family Curse (Winter Edition)'

(Prep time: 12 hours)
Serves: (As many spectators as can fit in the living room)
Calories: -60 (The cold and laughter will actually burn calories)

What you'll need:
An invitation to stay late at the T's house (game nights/New Years)
2-4 female members of Kendi T's family
One medium-sized blanket
4 heaping tablespoons of humor
a dash of darkness
Optional: Two cups of Kaitlyn's 'Unquoteable Quotes'.

Set thermostat to below 50% (fahrenheit)
Mix together all four tbs of humor with dash of darkness. Coat blanket with the mix and then wrap yourself in it.
Gather Ts into house and wait ten hours. Make sure there is no sleeping involved.
As they reach room temperature and optimal sleepiness, their conversations will delve deeper and deeper into the strange and inappropriate.
Let family members chill for another two hours until the laughter has depleted them of oxygen (this is very important to the process, as light-headedness acts as a preservative).
Optional: For recipe that includes Kaitlyn's 'Unquoteable Quotes', simply engage her with a question; she'll do the rest herself.

Sit back and enjoy!


Yasmen42

-one half-trained puppy
-one day trip for the family
-one half shut supply closet containing dog food and toilet paper
-one dog crate with broken latch
-a dash of rushed inattentiveness

Gather the family together to go out for a day trip. Place puppy in crate without noticing that latch cannot fully engage. Rush out the door to get started on trip. Allow to sit for 30min to 1hr.

Return home to enjoy a house strewn with shredded toilet paper, dog food, and puppy in the center wagging its tail.


lilgemangel


1 sleeping Jace
1000 shoes in all the colors Jace doesn't like (devil tail brown and angelic light blue, etc)
1 hyper Sayu
1 bed
1 unlocked bedroom
1 camera
1 shoe lace tying skills

Place 1000 shoes and one bed in unlocked bedroom.
Prepare one sleeping Jace to lay on bed. Note: Leave Jace's feet exposed.
Place one hyper Sayu next to door of unlocked bedroom.
Equip Sayu with one camera and shoe lace tying skills.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.


Amethyst Tenshi

Ingredients:
Lady Gaga in meat dress
Lion's den

Directions:
1.) Place a 113 pound lady gaga in 50 pounds meat dress
2.) Bring mixture into lion's den


Amethyst Tenshi

Ingredients:
Talent show
Long curtains
Nervous guy
Short attention span
Fire twirling

Directions:
1.) Set up talent show.
2.) Add 3 cups of short attention span to 1 nervous guy
3.) Carefully mix in 2 sticks of fire twirling near long curtains
4.) Leave the disaster to unfold before your eyes.


Phanna

Recipe for Disaster: or "it's all fun and games til someone sets a barn on fire"

5 college kids
1 moonlit night
22 pounds of sheer boredom
1/4 dash of what passes as common sense
3 fifths of hard liquor (any combination will do)
a pinch of human curiosity
7-8 cans lighter fluid
4 cans tennis balls
1 old bucket
1 tennis racket
1 hopefully wide and open space
1 abandoned barn
1 lighter

Toss tennis balls into old bucket and liberally apply lighter fluid til balls are moist. Laugh at how much fun this is gonna be. Pass around alcohol and take a few drinks to stay "warm". Fish out a tennis ball and place on ground. Find whoever has the lighter and demand they "light that bad boy up". Once on fire, whack the tennis ball with the racket. Watch the fire trail land off in the distance. Pass the racket and repeat process til fire seems to grow in the distance. Go and investigate why there is a fire. Stand dumbfounded at the old burning barn for a moment, then run like the dickens before someone finds out you are there!


MAXiMiSTA

Earful of Pain

1 small preschooler with a dollar
24 other preschoolers with no money
1 playground
1 icecream man with dollar icecream


preheat to 80 degree weather, let kids sit for 20 minutes....then let them play, lastly icecream man/ and chaos ensues.

Morning Headache

1 crabby boyfriend
1 loud alarm clock
1 set of clothes
1 bowl of cereal
1 packed lunch'

Place alarms in 10 minute intervals from 5 am to 6 am, hide phone in closet, leave bowel of cereal by bedside, and set of clothes on chair next to bed, leave boyfriend in bed, go outside to pack lunch before alarms ring. Wait, and enjoy.

Trip from Hell

3 young kids (9, 6, 4yrs)
1 stern babysitter
1 supermarket
$20 budget

1. Enter,

(kids will run in different directions, yelling and playing)

2. walk to produce isle

(kids will find you and bring unnecessary items and junk food)

3. get your groceries

(kids will beg for more items while crying and yelling)

4. walk to checkout

(kids will ask for more items will kicking and throwing things)

5. take out only your items and pay

(leave $150 worth of junk food in buggy behind)

6. drag kids to car

7. place seat belts on all 3 kids in car, child lock them in

8. get in car.

9. drive slowly home

10. let them cry it out in car, before getting them out.

Enjoy! (:

Cost: $20 food, $5 gas, (paid by parents) Profit: $30 baby sitting


FuZzyKittEn

Sure way to make a child take a bath.
2 Rooms (at least one with white or light carpet)
1 Small Pizza (cheese or pepperoni are usually preferred)
8 oz. Chocolate milk
8 oz. Orange juice
1 Child (3-4 years of age)
1 Office chair that spins
1 Bathroom
1 Pair Earplugs (optional)

Preheat rooms to at least 70F. (My preferred temperature is 72F)

Place office chair in the room with the lightest carpet.

Order a Pizza, or start baking a pizza according to the directions given on the box. Give the child Orange Juice, and let play while you wait for the pizza.

Once the pizza has arrived, cut into small pieces and serve on a plate along side the chocolate milk. Make sure the child finishes most if not all of the pizza.

Lead the child to the room with the office chair. Place child in office chair. Utilize the optional earplugs now, or within the next couple minutes. Agitate at varying speeds and directions. Child will assure you that they are having fun, want you to keep spinning them, and they are not getting sick.

Once fully agitated, the child will grab their stomach (if you have not yet used the optional earplugs, this is you last chance, use them quickly.) The child will now let out a high pitched scream. Take child to bathroom as quickly as possible.

If you do not get the child to the bathroom in time, you will also end up with chocolate carpet.

After the child finishes expelling everything that it ate and drank, it will want to take a bath. Run bath water, and give child a bath.




03/10/14

ptsluvsnfl
NEWBIE HELP CONTEST

I can't hope to win the contest, but I wanted to enter anyway. I got on pretty late, so a lot of the newbies were already answered. I tried to reply with different information, however.


-I helped two on this thread
(if that counts at all?)

Just helped one here


Yasmen42
Newbie Contest Entry
Just putting links to where I think I helped a newbie.


Ok, now to dash off again
-poof-
ninja


FuZzyKittEn
heart cat_ninja heart
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Newbie Contest Entry


http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hai-guys-am-new-here/t.90892911_6/#6

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello-everyone/t.90894891_12/#12

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hey-there-help/t.90890773_8/#8

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/fresh-face-on-gaia/t.90892595_8/#8

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello-everybody/t.90874825_46/#53 (may not count.)

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/new-to-gaia/t.90889227_9/#9

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hey-im-new/t.30391177_1/?_gaia_t_=7564#14

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/newb-here/t.90891413_1/#6

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hi-i-m-new/t.90892051_10/#10

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/good-evening-to-you-all/t.90828339_72/#72

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/friends/t.90661893_16/#23

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/helloooo/t.90895527_3/#3

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hey-there-i-m-new/t.90891275_12/#12

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/newbie-here-hi/t.90838659_46/#46

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello-world/t.90885485_8/#8

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/new-here/t.90885999_10/#10

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/new/t.90880857_16/#16

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hi-new-girl-here/t.90882933_14/#14

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello-i-m-new-and-i-would-like-to-make-friends/t.90872659_25/#25

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/a-challenger-appears/t.90852269_24/#24

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/newbie/t.90883515_8/#8

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello/t.90877193_9/#9 (may or may not count)

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/haven-t-been-on-here-in-years/t.90884815_10/#10 (may not count)

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/ello-new-here-3/t.90885915_16/#16

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello-gaia/t.90876213_26/#26

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/new-to-gaia/t.90890105_6/#6 (may not count)

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello/t.90888575_11/#11

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/uhm-hi/t.90885793_14/#14

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/i-don-t-really-know-anything-about-gaia/t.90885353_26/#26

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/new-here/t.90888465_9/#9 (may not count)

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/i-m-new-and-i-d-like-avi-ideas/t.90867659_15/#15

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/helloo/t.90864663_18/#18

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello-everyone/t.90862839_17/#17

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello-world/t.90897391_2/#2

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/i-m-new-to-gaia/t.90860811_26/#26

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello/t.90897869_6/#6

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/ell/t.90825323_39/#39

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/heey-im-new-to-this/t.90898323_7/#7

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/uuummh-im-like-new-here-o/t.90874737_21/#21

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hi-i-m-new/t.90832013_16/#20

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/site-questions-assistance/achievement-not-registering/t.90895141_4/#4 (if this doesnt count, I did post in that clambake thread she posted a link to xd lol maybe that will.)

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/site-questions-assistance/trying-to-trade/t.90889943_1/#3

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello/t.90868549_28/#28

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/hello-world-i-hope-everyone-here-is-kind-to-me/t.90873167_14/#14

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/new-artist-here/t.90788385_37/#37

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/welcome-to-gaia/im-new-too/t.90742677_41/#41


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heart cat_pirate heart



03/11/14

Amethyst Tenshi
Caption: My Bear! twisted

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Amethyst Tenshi


Caption: ♫ The circle of live~♫
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(Doesn't he look like baby Simba whee )


Tannsi
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I still say cats are so overrated. My dog takes funnier pictures that owns all cat memes. razz


MAXiMiSTA

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lulliaby
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"Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba [Here comes a lion, Father] Sithi uhm ingonyama [Oh yes, it's a lion] "


Stephbug

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yum_tea yum_tea yum_tea OMG COFFEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! yum_tea yum_tea yum_tea cat_surprised


FuZzyKittEn

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Lookin reeeaaalll close.


FuZzyKittEn

This picture is titled "Trinket Zoolander"

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Phanna

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ptsluvsnfl

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Yasmen42

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BabyKagomeGirl

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Caption 1: "The breeze feels lovely from up------ oh my gosh, is my nail polish chipped? emotion_donotwant "
Caption 2: "I'm the king of the wooooooorld!
'Smokey, chow time!'
Cooooooooooooming!"
[The cat's name is Smokey. redface ]
Caption 3: "You don't really expect me to walk on that filthy ground, do you? Come come, carry me to my chambers this instance."


lulliaby
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Burger queen.


lulliaby
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Malicious Ink
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Caption 1: Man, how much did I drink last night?
Caption 2: Nothing to look at here. Just walk away slowly.
Caption 3: I'm keeping it warm for the winter!
Caption 4: I'm fertilizing it.
Caption 5: I asked for p***y Willows...not a cat in a pot...
Caption 6: How to grow p***y Willows: Step 1: Acquire soil. Step 2: Acquire cat. Step 3: Place in pot. Step 4: Wait till spring.

(Not a part of the entry, but...obligatory "if I fits in it, I sits in it" caption.)

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Caption 1: Ying and Yang.
Caption 2: Sssh, she won't miss her laundry.
Caption 3: Whooaa, what a night...how did I end up here? And who are you?!
Caption 4: Aww, for us? Thank you human for making such a lovely bed.
Caption 5: You didn't want clean laundry anyways.


Miss Ruckus
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03/12/14


MAXiMiSTA
The just kissed fan girl LOVE HERO!!!~~

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In her mind she is the hero of your heart. heart

Her powers of annoyance are only activated if you kiss her so watch out!!

She stalks you and asks you for kisses....annoying you in till you give her one, then she tumbles in a pool of hearts and sings heart filled love about you, blushing and embarrassing you to no end, she is blinded by love and will follow you forever relentlessly mentioning that one kiss over and over again......unless you run really fast...go!! Escape while you can!


MAXiMiSTA
The All seeing Mouse!!

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She will find and seek any lost item!!! The best super hero in town unfortunately, once she finds your items you will turn around to see that your home is now home to 1000 little mouses! Little cute mice eating all your food and making presents in your living room. emotion_kirakira


Sayurixchan
Mr. Anaphylaxis

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From day one, Mr. Anaphylaxis was allergic to more things than he wasn't. Pollen, animals, insect bites, latex, peanuts, seafood...You name it, he's allergic. It's a miracle the medical team was able to find a way to keep him alive. Some people wonder if it was even worth the effort. "It is our duty to protect human life!" one doctor commented. "But is he even human?" whispered everyone else in response.

Mr. Anaphylaxis develops mild reactions (itching, nasal congestion, hives, sneezing, watery eyes) to triggers when they are within a five mile radius of him. Half the distance leaves him wheezing, anxious, nauseous, and dizzy. If the trigger is within 10 feet of the poor boy, he is subject to anaphylactic shock.

One family hired him as a type of alarm for their daughter who was severely allergic to peanuts. However, Mr. Anaphylaxis was constantly showing symptoms to everything in the area, and the parents of the daughter became subject to panic attacks, and were advised to discontinue their services with Mr. Anaphylaxis.

Mr. Anaphylaxis was also used to help train code teams for shock. However an ethics committee debate decided that they could not do this, and have provided Mr. Anaphylaxis with a sterile environment for him to live in as an apology for using him.


Phanna
MoLiBa
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Meet MoLiBa, or Moron Lizard Batman. He is a lizard-like entity from another world, one much hotter than our own. This drastic temperature change requires MoLiBa to be in a thermal regulation suit at all times. The durability of this suit, however, remains a mystery.
He is convinced of his own superiority over us "primitive ape-men". However, MoLiBa cannot speak any language other than Esperanto, which makes his proclaimed superior intellect dubious at best. He does have a handy utility belt full of alien tools and contraptions (just like Batman!) in which he could use to fight crime, if he really felt like it.
In most combat situations, MoLiBa ignores the fighting and any people in distress and goes about his merry way. After all, we are just primitives to him.


OpheliaTheSeductress

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So you know you usual super hero powers that people want Super Strength and Flying, Well meet the towns Favorite Super Hero Hindsight 20/20 girl who has the amazing power of having really sound hindsight! I mean, sure the villain will get away mostly....well...er every time. But at least she can reflect on it and tell you where you went wrong! And don't worry about her third eye, that was collateral damage when the department of science she was working at was doing research on a potion that will make it so you can see the future, I guess in hindsight it would probably have been better to leave the future seeing for the psychics. XD


Malicious Ink
Envidia

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Meet Envidia! She stops crime by...well, actually she is too jealous of her companions to really do anything to stop the villains. Mostly she just stands on the sidelines and wishes she could have powers like theirs. Or maybe even just be one of the villains...since they get the most attention from the news anyways. Her sword? Just there to look cool. No one else has one after all, so it makes her better than them and their stupid powers of invisibility, mind-control, and oh. god. LOVE... And when she's not on the sidelines, she's usually trying to make her teammates fail because she can't let them get the credit after all. If Envidia can't have the credit, no one can...and of course, who'd want to give it to her when they can give it to Mr. I-Talk-To-Animals-And-Have-A-Six-Pack?! OR MISS I'M SOOOOO PRETTY, I HAVE THE POWER OF LOOVEEE... I mean, look at her all blonde and in those frilly outfits and ughhh that singing!

Who'd have thought her arch nemesis would be her own teammate, Princess Priss Priss? - I'm sorry, Envidia took over to write this, because she couldn't have her own story told by someone else...someone who'd get it wrong and would give credit to Miss Love or Captain Dou-...again...Envidia will not let me write her story... Maybe I'll just write about Miss Love instead... I mean, just look at her! Definitely a sight to look at!

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Oh no, now Envidia is angry! She can't seem to take a joke! She's going to go burn down Miss Love's house now...and mine...and oh god...apparently she does have the power to make people jealous! Because now I'm jealous of everyone else's abilities to tektek better than me! AND HER SUPER POWERS! Why can't I have those?!
'

Phanna
Carl
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Meet Carl, he's an 18th Level Illusionist with a Cloak of Elvenkind, The Book of Infinite Spells and a negative THAC0 (It's okay, he's also the Dungeon Master). He uses his magical abilities to thwart villains (bullies) and rescue maidens in distress (hit on cheerleaders). Unfortunately, his powers do not work outside his Fortress of Solitude (his mom's basement). He also has the power of invisibility...at least he thinks he does since everyone ignores him. The only ones that can see past this illusion are the people Carl has allowed into his inner sanctum (his fantasy role playing group).


Yasmen42


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It's Invisible Mosquito Guy! With the most amazing ability to render himself invisible, our superhero is able to make his way around completely unseen. Well, he would be if it weren't for the mosquito aspect of his powers. The instant he becomes invisible he emits an extremely loud, high-pitched whine, immediately annoying everyone within earshot and alerting them to his presence. Therefore, sadly our dear Invisible Mosquito Guy is rather ineffectual as a superhero.


ptsluvsnfl

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Random Synopsis:

Ralph Randal was just an average farm kid employed by his dairy-farmer dad. He wasn’t the coolest or the most popular guy in his small town due to being lanky and a little obsessed with magic tricks.
Ralph was sweet on a girl he saw weekly at the local farmer’s market, but sadly, she had a distaste for magicians and redheads, both of which, he sadly was. He just couldn’t find a way to impress her.
More than anything, Ralph wanted to impress people; that’s why he wanted to one day travel to a city like Las Vegas and perform amazing tricks live. Unfortunately, he just never was any good at it, and would always be stuck as a dairy farmer.
One day, Ralph went to call in the cows, and noticed a few missing. Grumbling, Ralph went into the field to find the stragglers, only to find that they had wandered through a break in the fence and into the woods beyond.
Ralph found the first three easily enough; they were grazing, as cows are wont to do, however, he spotted to last one’s tail disappearing across the property line. The neighbor’s property was owned by an eccentric billionaire who had bought the place in order to do experiments and nothing else. The outside was left in shambles, and Ralph quickly got lost.
As for what happened next, let’s just say it involved a couple of dubiously hired Russian ‘body guards’, one too many wise cracks, two black eyes, and a misfire involving a Mysterious Ray-gun(tm). Ralph later woke up on the billionaire’s couch, where the man informed him that he had been found compatible for an experiment, and congratulations, Ralph was now one of the most powerful high schoolers on earth. Say wha?
The billionaire, Mr. Pomeranian (don’t laugh; he can make your brain boil whilst his ‘bodyguards’ use you as a trampoline) quickly became Ralph’s sponsor and worked to help him discover the abilities bestowed upon him by the ray gun.
After exactly one training montage full of teenage angst, Ralph finally discovered his amazing ability while dunking some cookies in a glass of milk (angstily): when he accidentally knocked the glass over(in angst!), the liquid within suddenly disappeared and reappeared in his mouth. He had made it teleport!
Ralph experimented with more milk, and this is what he found out: He could teleport it to anywhere so long as there was empty space for it to go, and he could teleport from anywhere! Excitedly, Ralph imagined that with this ability, that his magic career would soon kick off. However, he also knew that this was bigger than himself and that his powers must be used for good.
After more experimentation (And another montage!), the young man acknowledged that all he could teleport was the substance known as milk. Heh, no matter what he did or became, he would always be a dairy farmer.
Within a year, Ralph was packed and ready to leave for the big city. Mr. Pomeranian met him on his way out.
“You know that people will need a name for their new hero,” he said sagely.
Ralph paused and thought back to his roots; who he was and who he would become, turned toward the camera, and said in a deep, masculine voice, “let them call him, ‘The Milkman’,”
-Opening credits rolled. Silver letters spelling out, ‘Rise of the MILKMAN’ twirled onto the screen to the sound of heavy bass and heroic trumpets sounds.-

As it turns out, Milkman’s ability wasn’t as helpful as Mr. Pomeranian, Ivan, and Joe (the ‘bodyguards’. ‘Joe’ was also stereotypically-named named ‘Ivan’, so Mr. Pom had him change it) made him think. For one, the power to transport milk only worked if there was an empty space, -such as a mouth or stomach- for the substance to go, and our hero soon found out that only a very small handfuls of super villains were lactose intolerant. (But woe to those who were!)
Worse still, city papers soon chastised him for causing the city-wide epidemic known as “empty-carton rage”. Well, the milk had to come from somewhere, and the Milkman usually got it from nearby homes, seamlessly sucking every last drop of milk within a mile radius from their cartons, cartons that would then sit empty in the fridge until someone’s mom found it.
I swear, Mom, the Milkman did it. For the greater good.


Tannsi
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Behold! I am Mega Mathman!!

But see, here's the problem. In battles, do numbers really hurt people? Well, of course they do! Especially those kids in the class room. *evil laugh* - I love rattling off the numbers of pi and putting them in a stupor. Boy do I love watching they eyeballs spin into numbers...

But the problem is, I, uh, get pi and pie confused. I can't help it that I only know numbers but not words! I failed spelling okay?! PIE ATTACK usually doesn't get the job done... I've yet to see any of my enemies eyes turn into numbers.

Maybe I should hire 'Speelin' Bea Sallee' to help me out...(uh, how do you spell that again?)


03/13/14


BabyKagomeGirl

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*totally not the one on the left* redface


ptsluvsnfl

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Phanna

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FuZzyKittEn

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Amethyst Tenshi
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Tannsi

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03/14/14



Phanna
Ever try and give yourself a "melvin". Talk about impossible. All those nostalgic feels about grade school you are missing out on, well not anymore thank to the patent pending "Self Melvin Machine"

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Just place the back elastic of your briefs in the "kung fu grip" hand and pull the alabaster handle and let the Self Melvin Machine do the rest! Comes complete with gears, levers, springs, catnip, carrot and "Heavy Lourde" weight. For a delightfully painful trip down memory lane, think Self Melvin Machine.
*Cat and hamster not included.
*Not responsible for any emotional distress or repressed memories.


Yasmen42
Hungry for a 12 egg omelet? Sounds like you need the Egg Ninja 5000TM!! With just the flip of a lever, an elaborate spring-activated series of levers will be flipped, cracking one egg per use. Unfortunately whoever designed it used springs which were much too powerful, resulting in egg yolk guaranteed to be dripping off the walls of your kitchen.


Amethyst Tenshi

Whenever the remote is infront of you, don't go through the hassell of leaning forward to get it ever again. Use The Reacher.
*Simply reach above your head and pull the rope to activate The Reacher.
*Pressurized air will shoot a golf ball along the railings that will be installed onto your ceiling.
*After the golf ball has made a 180○ turn at the end of the railing it will bounch off your tv and hit the remote.
*The remote will then flip into the air, do summersaults and should land in your lap.
Disclaimer:
*The Reaher may cause dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, logorrhea, onomatopeia, the need to shop at ikea, a trip to South Korea, visions of Cytherea, Dorothea, Dulcinea, a mental galleria and your own pizzeria.*The Reacher Company is not reliable to repair any damage done to you, your pets nor items in yourselves home. *The Reacher Company will provide a single golf ball. We are not responsible for your negligence.


Tannsi
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Only works on falling snow. Does not apply to snow already on the ground.


ptsluvsnfl
Ugh, so very tired. Wish I could have been more creative with this.
What's a bunch of wet laundry when you have a cat that's now completely awake and ready to bite the crap out of cuddle you?

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