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the past that connects to the future
Dear Jonelle Winner
im probably delusional for believing that you remember me after all these years. it'll be close to 3 years since we've meet on the cruise, almost 2 years since we stoped communications. by now if i ad up the numbers correctly you should be entering your junior year now and wont be graduating till like im 23. i feel terrible right now. im suppose to forget you because i was causing problems btwn u and ur parents, or maybe u didnt want me in ur life anymore and i couldnt take a hint, i dont know. i feel terrible aways for cyberstalking you on facebook, even though the only thing id get from this is updates of how you've grown physically over the years (i.e. whenever your profile picture changes). im not really making any reall contact to you and i dont know what my actions constitues as seeing that all my attempts havent conected to you. i remember when i made a second deviantart account i ended up following your page even though i sent no message or anything. then u message me how i shouldnt follow you anymore. then last year you accidentaly texted me bout prom or something (this was when u were a freshmen i believe) and i honestly was happy that you did. i was really hoping that you woulda kept talking to me taht night, but i knew ud stop if i told u who i was... and u did. truth be told, whether u believe me or not, the day you texted me i was in california for my grandfathers funeral... it uplifted me a lot quite honestly when u texted me. i thoght u decided to take up chance as well and clear things up with me. i remember a long time ago when i had my first deviant acount as wtphu i wrote a post about a terrible time i was having and wrote myself off as useless, then u wrote a reply of how i was the total opposite and told me all these great things that u learned about me from that one week on cruise. tbh that saved me back then, cuz during that phase i was suicidal.
im probably rambling right now because of nostalgia of thinking about you. its hard not to; ive deleted every picture i took from alaska threw everything that was from alaska away and unfriended most from the alaska cruise just because i thoguht it was gonna remind me of you. the problem is the damage is already done. you've affected me so much during that week.
i feel like thats my fatal flaw though. i get to attached to people or things and then i try to hard to keep them there. the i feel like the doctor where i still remember everyone that leaves whether by events or intentional. you are either my rose tyler or amelia pond. i may see you again in the future where things end well towards the end or it was a fixed point in time where i'll never be able to see you again, and i think thats whatll kill me in the end.
i've been through so much lately. so once i graduated pretty much went drinking with my boys before going to new york. then once i went back i've pretty worked out at the gym worked at the pool. up till s**t went on with my family so now i have no car again and later should be going to pima medical
i can only wonder what youve been dealing with the past three years, and im sure you've went through hell to get to where u were today and im sure you'll get even farther. you are a fantastic individual, and you'll get more dangerous as you grow up, and thats good. u gotta get stronger, so long as you remember the lessons that brought u there

i wont forget you, and im sure i'll see you soon. just not yet, not now. hopefully before i die, tho i dont know when that'll be





 
 
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