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pretty much all day its been raining. . . . which makes me happy. . . .and not even for emo reasons. . . . think about it. rain doesnt just make everything wet and make some people miserable or "cover up tears" or any of that. it cleanses and revives. it purifies and heals.
i determined that since i dont really have a predetermined religion, but rather that i come up with what i believe in rather randomly, usually by whether i feel that it is right or not, and since i feel that the rain does so much good, rain would be a lot like holy water for me, blessed by the skys themselves.
anywho, so i had been wanting to go for a walk once it started getting dark, especially after i heard my "parents" arguing. so later, i asked my mom if she wanted to go. (i dont like company, but it keeps me from feeling paranoid or nervous that ill get in trouble or kidnapped or something) she decided not to so i decided not to bother. . . . at least not until later when my older brother seemed to be picking on me. which is when an "arguement" broke out and i remembered what my councilor had said about how i should just not bother arguing because im not going to change anyones mind about anything and how i should try to escape negative situations. . . . so i threw on a pair of sandals and asked my mom where my hoodie was. turned out she had thrown it in the washingmachine so i grabbed a really old, comfy coat of hers, since she wouldnt be needing it and wouldnt mind too much, and left. i finally went for a walk. . . . in the cold rain . . . . at 10pm. . . . i wandered around rather randomly, kind of going the same way i usually do but whatever. . . . on my way back, i started paying more attention to the ground since i had noticed worms were out. im the type of person who, despite thinking something is gross and not wanting to touch it, would feel bad if they hurt it, so i kept an eye out for the worms. anywho, the whole time i was walking, i was trying to come up with a story. what i came up with is about 5-10 minutes of jumbled up story goo. . . . when i got back home, i went around back because our garage door was down, our front door was closed(which USUALLY means its locked, especially since the door was open when i left), and i figured the back door would be open. Also, i still wasnt anywhere near ready to come in yet. so i sat on our back porch for a while staring at the trees in my backyard as they swayed in the breeze. my feet were freezing, my pants were soaked up to the knees(btw, i was wearing my pajamas when i went for a walk, kind of a stupid idea but i didnt want to stick around long enough to change), and my hair was dripping with cold rain. so, eventually i stood up to go inside (my feet were really, really cold and the rest of me was starting to feel the cold, too.) i turn the doorknob on our back door, only to discover its locked. so rather than go around and try to go in any of the other 2 doors, i ring the doorbell wait patiently then ring it again, wait patiently but rattle the doorknob a little. . . . my cat comes to a window in our kitchen that looks out at our porch and meows at me then comes and tries to open the door(he loves slipping out despite that hes not allowed out) . . . . i ring the bell again and rattle the door very impatiently and start to get a little upset because i know that someone in the house has to be hearing the doorbell. there are 4 people in the house and there is just no reason why no one is getting the door unless they dont care, which is highly likely considering that for the most part, we all either hate each other or ignore each other. so i stomp around to our front door, not wanting to bother with garage door. i found out the front door was actually unlocked and stomp in. i kick off my sandals in frustration and hear my mom and my older bro coming up the stairs from our basement laughing and then i go and complain to her, at which point she appologizes saying that she couldnt hear because she was in the basement doing laundry and i responded by saying that it wasnt directed soley at her, and that there is no reason why no one else got the door. she said that rick and geoff were sleeping. i realized at that time that i had been gone for over an hour. bla bla bla. . . . . all of this eventually become a long discussion with my mother about random junk such as my counciling and who knows what but it bothered me enough to give me that same feeling which i had gone for a walk in the first place to avoid.
ANYwho i have school tomorrow, am very tired, havent done any homework, and um. . . . i think there was some other thing but i dont care right now, so this entry is going to be ended now.
'night.
Unni Ineo · Mon May 01, 2006 @ 05:34am · 1 Comments |
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