its been so long since iv read manga, and i only just recently started watching anime again. . . . so all weekend (from 3rd period friday until around 7 tonight) iv been unbelievably, overwhelmingly happy. i dont think happy even begins to describe it. today felt like another saturday! i think the last time i felt like this was, i dunno there were a few times back in 7th and 8th grade. but thats about it. so,its been years, for the most part. on top of the wonderful manga goodness of Alice 19th ( heart and the beloved Kyo and Frey heart ) iv had yet another story idea going through my head.
and iv found that iv been feeling a little less like an angry b***h since iv started going for walks at night. only problem is that instead of getting all my anger and sadness out, i just walk away and suppress my emo tears.
whats really weird is i think im starting to regain some intuition. not a noticable amount yet, but i think it maybe be coming back, along with other things. . . . like my story ideas, my odd dreams, and my over-worrying about school and grades. . . .
i keep getting flashes of odd things, like how i got an idea for an adorable picture today or the one i got as i was going to sleep last night. . . . and how i finished off my story. . . .
but even odder, and less cheerful, are the fragments of dreams i had back when i was in elementary school and younger. . . . odd things that were influenced by God only knows what. . . . things that i only catch a fleeting glimpse of that i remember had been a small part of some random dream, dreams which might have had little or no affect on me when i was little, but now leave me wanting in a depressive state.
since my "overwhelming happiness" went away (which i knew was inevitable) iv been stuck in a state of terrible sadness. . . . the kind that you want to just start crying and clench you sides and your stomach and everywhere esle that you feel empty just because you need to let something out. You know something needs to come out but you just cant figure out what it is. . . . or you know but you cant let it out. . . . normally i sit in my room with the lights out, trying to enjoy it and the feeling of being alive it leaves, but this time iv been busy and havent had time to tend to it. . . . and now its so late at night that its been mostly consumedy by tiredness and school-related stress. . . . i hardly feel the depressed feeling now, and even if i did feel it, id hafta just turn on the tv and try to ignore it. . . .
anywho. . . . i nolonger remember what iv been rambling about and im tired, so i guess i should get off, set my alarm for early in the morning so i can do hw, and then try to go to bed and sleep. . . .
Unni Ineo · Mon May 08, 2006 @ 06:09am · 1 Comments |