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You're probably getting sick of Christmas specials around now. Well, I don't give a ********. I don't even care that this makes the story dated. It's Christmas, damn it, and I've been planning this chapter for weeks.



'Twas the night before Christmas, and the Saints were having a party

Everyone was invited, so they kicked out those who were tardy

"You're not going to rhyme this whole chapter, are you? 'Cause you're kinda ********' terrible at it."

Okay, I'll cut that out. And you mind the fourth wall, Boss.

"Woops,"

The halls of Purgatory were filled with guests. All of the Saints' friends, family, affiliates, robots, zombies, and out of place porn-star cameos were present. All of Purgatory was decorated with festive cheer. They even put a little Santa hat on the Saint of all Saints. Chica was over in the back room, playing pin the nose on the Rudolph with Gat and Mr. Wong. Bonnie was up on the balcony, playing heavy metal Christmas jingles on his guitar, while Tobias cheered and heckled him.

"WOOOH! YEEEAAAH! PLAY FREE BIRD!" He yelled at Bonnie as he was playing Jingle Bell Rock. Bonnie stopped playing momentarily, and narrowed his eyes at Tobias. Accepting his challenge, Bonnie began playing Free Bird, starting from the solo, because that's the part that everyone comes to hear. Tobias started head-banging profusely, "******** yeah, this is my jam!" he shouted excitedly. So, maybe he wasn't heckling and genuinely did want to hear Free Bird.

Meanwhile, The Boss was sitting at the mini-bar with Foxy, drinking whiskey and eggnog. The Boss had a TV set up near the bar, so that she could share with Foxy her favorite Christmas movie: Die Hard.

"Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?" Hans threatened his unknown foe over the walkie-talkie.

"Yippee ki yay, mother ********!" John McClane taunted him.

The Boss laughed when he finally said that phrase that would become the catch-phrase of the franchise. "I love that s**t!" she declared, taking another swig of her eggnog. "Hey Patchwork, remind me to add that line to your voice thing later," she said to Foxy. Foxy just sort of looked at her oddly, not really understanding the cultural significance of the phrase.

All the while, a strange little marionette doll had set up in front of the Saint of all Saints statue. It was sitting atop a great big present, a little music box that playing the tune of Johnny Cash's "The Man Comes Around" next to it, as it beckoned people to come over to it. As they did, one by one, he slithered into his big box, and pulled out presents for everyone who approached.

Tobias opened his gift. "I got a new bong!"

Shaundi opened her gift. "I got a new bong!"

Pierce opened his gift. "I got a rock."

Freddy stared at the marionette from a corner, suspicious of its presence. Nobody seemed to question it, yet nobody admitted to bringing it. He knew the doll, yet he did not speak up about it. He wanted to observe it, to make certain it wasn't there to cause trouble for him. His attention was distracted when he saw his friend Pierce walking off to a corner, dejected and depressed.

Freddy walked over to the mini-bar. The Boss and Foxy were still enjoying Die Hard. It had already gotten to the scene where John McClane and Hans Gruber meet face to face, and Hans put on a really bad American accent to try and trick McClane. Freddy prepared two mugs of eggnog, The Boss and Foxy so engrossed in the movie, they didn't even notice Freddy come around. The two mugs filled, Freddy left them, and walked over to Pierce.

Pierce was pouting in the corner. "Dneirf, gongge emos ekil uoy dluow?" Freddy asked Pierce, holding one of the mugs out toward him. He didn't really want to take notice of Freddy, but it's kind of hard to ignore the enormous robot teddy bear offering you alcohol. He begrudgingly accepted it, and took a swig.

Freddy decided to spend some time with Pierce. They couldn't communicate very well, so mostly they just ended up watching the other party-goers, whilst drinking their eggnog. They watched as Lin and Carlos played bobbing for apples. Troy stood near, keeping watch so as to make sure they don't eat any of the other party goers. While Troy had his attention focused on Lin as she was taking her turn bobbing for apples, Carlos snuck off to the nearby cooler, and grabbed a can of soda, shaking it profusely before returning to the apple-tub, offering Troy the soda. Carlos tapped Lin on the shoulder, getting her attention. Troy proceeded to open the soda can, and got sprayed all over with soda, getting his uniform all wet, and making his moustache sticky with soda. Lin and Carlos laughed their zombie laughs, as Troy grumbled.

Then, Pierce noticed The Boss staring at him from the bar, with a cheeky grin upon her face. Pierce looked back to Freddy to see if he knew what she wanted, but Freddy simply shrugged. The Boss whispered something in Foxy's ear, before leaving and walking over toward Pierce, Foxy's gaze still glued upon the TV. Her grin seemed to grow wider as she approached.

"What's up, Boss?" Pierce asked nervously, trying to figure out what she was up to. She didn't answer. When she finally got up close, she cornered him against the wall. "Boss? What are you-" Pierce was interrupted when The Boss suddenly gave him a deep kiss. Pierce was paralyzed for the moment, and Freddy's eyes widened in surprise. When she finally stopped kissing him, she giggled. "Pierce, were you trying to tempt me?" she asked coyly.

"W-what?" Pierce asked, totally flabbergasted.

The Boss pointed up. Pierce and Freddy looked up, and saw that Pierce had been standing under the mistletoe this whole time. "D-damn it, Boss! Don't mess with me like that!" Pierce stammered. The Boss burst out laughing as she walked back to the bar to watch her movie. Pierce blushed bright red, as Freddy giggled his slow giggle at Pierce's expense.

The Boss and Foxy were sitting through the final credits of Die Hard, when Shaundi walked over with a letter in-hand. "Hey, Boss, you know anyone named 'Player'?" she asked The Boss.

The Boss turned to look at her. "That's what people called me, before I was in charge. Why? Someone send me a present?"

"That puppet thing over there's been handing out presents to everyone," she pointed to the Marionette at the staircase, "He gave me this letter, but it's not for me. I guess he wanted me to give it to you."

"Cool. Maybe it's got money in it," The Boss joked, as she took the letter and opened it up. It was just an old piece of paper with a short message written on it. "You ready for this, player? Sincerely..." she read aloud.

"Sincerely who?" Shaundi asked.

"It's me," The Boss stated.

"You sent yourself a letter?" Shaundi asked, confused.

"No. It says 'Sincerely, It's me'," The Boss clarified.

"Uh... what does that mean?"

"******** if I know," The Boss said dismissively, as she wadded up the letter, and proceeded to throw it in the nearby trash can. "Let's ask that puppet thing."

The two looked over, but the Marionette was gone. He had taken his present box and left while nobody was looking. "Oh well, I didn't care that much about it, anyways," she said dismissively, as she turned back to Foxy. "Patchwork, you ready for your present?" She asked him with a smile. Foxy's eyes widened when she said it. He had never received a present himself. Given them out back when he was a children's entertainer, certainly, but never received any for himself.

The Boss lead Foxy out to the old underground neighborhood, just outside of Purgatory, beckoning Shaundi and Pierce to follow along as well. There, waiting for them was a large structure hidden under a tarp. The tarp was attached to three rope pulleys. The Boss took one of the ropes, and pointed Pierce and Shaundi to the other two.

"So Patchwork, I know I've put a lot of work into making you sea-worthy and all that, but let's face facts. As it is, you're just a filthy landlubber," she teased her pirate friend. "Now, I can't have a lubber-pirate in my crew, so I took the liberty of procuring a solution to that."

She signaled to Pierce and Shaundi, and they all began pulling the ropes. As the tarp slowly lifted, Foxy's eyes widened as he beheld his glorious gift. The tarp arose to reveal a steel battleship, with cannons adorned all over it. A Saint's Fleur was painted along the bow of the ship.

Foxy looked over to The Boss, his eyes twitching as if he were about to cry. The Boss nodded, "It's all yours, Cap'n," she reassured him. Foxy screeched with joy, as he ran over and climbed up into his ship to inspect every little nook and cranny.

Pierce walked over to The Boss. "Did you have this thing built here, yourself?" he asked.

"Yup."

"You do know this thing's too big to fit through the door, right? How were you planning to get it up top?" Pierce asked, pointing out the flaw in her plan.

"Ehh, I'll figure something out," she said dismissively, turning around to go back to the party. She walked over to the Saint of all Saints statue, to address the whole party.

"Merry Christmas, to all, and to all a good fight!"