I don't mean to close the door
But for the record my heart is sore
You blew through me like bullet holes
Left stains on my sheets and stains on my soul
I'm trying so hard to be strong, but its not fair.
I was going to love you more than anything in the world.
You were my shot at true love, a love so deep and pure.
You grew inside of me for six beautiful weeks.
Even though I was sick, sick to the point where nothing stayed down,
I loved you so much and I knew you were going to make me proud with everything you did.
I wish I knew what happened,
I wish I had had a sign to know that something wasn't right.
You passed so quietly, you loved me enough to not let me feel any discomfort or bleeding.
I know you loved me too.
You were just a tiny, beautiful mouse posing for the ultrasound the first time I saw you. I didn't even know it would be the last time.
I dreamt of a little girl.
You had your father's beautiful blue eyes.
You were tough, brave, and you were going to teach us so much about all the things we thought we knew.
Delilah would have been your name.
"One who weakens"
Because you brought us both to our knees when we found out what happened.
Your daddy loved you too.
He cried when I told him the news.
But you didn't do any of this to be malicious.
You didn't want to hurt us. I know you didn't.
But you didn't need to live a life of pain, that's why they say you stopped growing.
I'm so grateful you didn't develop to the point where you could feel discomfort.
That's the one thing that brings me solace.
I'll never, ever forget everything you taught me in 11 short weeks.
You were teaching me even before I realized you were there.
You'll always be my first child, you'll always be my first true love.
I hope you know you'll be engraved in my mind until the end of time.
I love you, forever.
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Missa Defunctorum
praise the lost souls, it'll set yours free
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