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I fade away. Nothing is happening anymore around me... I'm gone.

I gasp a bit. It's raining... The pattering and pelting clash against the window door... I rub my head a bit, still sore from last night's fun. I lay my head back into my pillow as I watch the ceiling and listen to the sounds of the outside. Each crashing crescendo echos in my mind and in my chest as I slowly lose myself to the beat. Before I can completely sway away, I turn to my side and see you.

You, covered to your shoulders with the sheets to retain what little warmth you can produce on your own, keep to your side of the bed. I smile softly, eagerly taking advantage of your back towards me. Landing gentle kisses on your neck as my fingers trail down your wonderful back. My fingers find your perfect scar, letting it zig-zag against it slowly. Each kiss and touch slowly wake up and before I stir you up, I slink out of the bed.

I slowly, catching myself on each wall, make my way to the kitchen. Greeting me is a slight cold breeze from the crack of the window. I shake my head a bit, knowing that you left it for some air. The cold tiles jolt through my system as I quickly procure a pan to cook some water in. Within moments, I'm in full swing for this morning: Making honey tea and some eggs for the both of us.

While in the middle of slicing the lemons, I hear some rustling around the bed. A soft smile grows on my face as I continue, pretending not to notice. I keep a close watch on the eggs, making sure that I cook them just the way you like them. As I turn back to the lemons, I catch the sight of a sleepy Stephanie...

Stephanie...

Stephanie...

"You alright?"
My manager asks me. Dazed at the question, I instantly reply that I'm alright and make my way to the bathroom. Throwing water in my face, hiding the tears that started to form... I do my best to hold my ground and stop the world from falling apart all around me...

~Deep Breath. Easy Now. Just Relax.~
Surging through my mind as I restart the walls that I built... Coursing through my dying, racing heart. I feel each nerve flicker back to offline as all becomes numb normal once again. With a cracked smile, I make my way back to my duties.

As I make each step, I remind myself:

"I am not happy."
"I am not okay."
"Everything will not be alright."
"I am falling apart in control."

Feeling each tear drop down from my cheek, hidden away once more...