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s**t DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!! |
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grrrraaaaghhhhh i was really quite happy today. really. ask everyone who saw me. i survived wednesday. my 2 hardest, most stressful exams. i might have failed anatomy and all but i survived. and then i finished a picture and got my deviantArt up and going and i was living a happy life. o and i was listening to techno, and you all dont even know jen when she gets into techno.
and then i slowly started on my basket, allowed my mom to see my deviant art and sat peacefully by, watching the tv and working on my basket (due friday and still has a lot of work to be done)
and rick came in. he grabbed a bunch of food and came into the room and despite my begging and pleading to him not to come in and eat near me (i swear he makes the most irratating noises. i cant stand it. have you ever wanted to rip off your ears and even just decapitate youself just to stop a noise? i have. o have i ever) anywho, so he sits down and acts like an a** towards me. i try to continue on my basket, but i keep screwing up. in anger, i shut off the tv. he gets up and says hes gonna watch whatever he wants and turns it back on. i shut it off. he continues eating. and then finally i just give up. i slam everything down on the ground, throw my sandals on, and leave for my walk, screaming "mom. im leaving" as loud as i can on my wait out, then realized that she wasnt even home. i made sure to slam the backdoor as hard as i could. and then stormed up the street.
and normally my walks calm me and allow me to feel relaxed, and less depressed and angry. but it didnt work today. when i got home, i was in worse condition.
and now suddenly, it occurs to me that its pretty much summer break. all year iv been looking forward to it and dredding it. all that time at home. all that time with people i cant stand. the intentionally screwed up sleep schedule. the boredom. the stress of knowing im supposed to be doing something. the days where i hafta get up early. the art assignments i hafta worry about. and the feeling that im completely wasting my time. and then i realize, because its summer, im not gonna hear from people much. if im lucky, people will remember to get online.
normally, im ok with being alone, even prefer it. but this summer, i just dont feel like it. im gonna miss everyone, except for the people ill be wanting to kill myself to avoid (aka, my "family" wink .
i really dont need any of this right now. i dont want to do anything. i just feel so depressed and i dunno, lonely i guess?
all the things i hafta deal with over the summer 1. searching for a job 2. learning how to drive 3. all of my required artwork for ap art 4. counciling 5. nudie figure drawing classes 6. god only knows what
and i still have stuff to do for this school year. i just cant deal with any of this right now. none of it. i really just want to keel over.
there are only 2 days left of school and only 1 more day to work on my basket. i was really hoping id only hafta worry about making a lid and putting the beads on tomorrow, but i still have about 1/3 (or more) of it left to make
Unni Ineo · Thu Jun 01, 2006 @ 04:11am · 1 Comments |
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