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I want to stop lying.

Truly I do! I mean, it's so ******** terrible nowadays that I can't even stand it anymore. It's getting more and more out of control, making me so sick to my core. This constant lies that I'm fine and everything will be alright. That I'm not stressed out and worried about anything and everything will be fine, working out as they should.

NOTHING IS WORKING OUT THE WAY IT SHOULD AND EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART FOR ME

No, Time will not make things easier. No, trying to forget you will not make this any better. Why? Because for some ******** REASON OUT OF MY OWN CONTROL... You keep coming into my mind and every thought I get.

Why, just the other day (Wednesday if I'm correct) I saw someone who looked JUST LIKE YOU. No, not the whole 'she had some portions of your body and facial expressions that reminded me of you'. No. She. Looked. Just. Like. You. From your beautiful hands that carry each scar of yours with elegance to your smile that could melt away all my sorrows and bring forth a much better day. She even had her hair in the same ******** hat you have to cover(ed? Not sure if you do anymore) your hair. I thank everything in my body that I could resist grabbing her hand and crying into it because that's exactly what I wanted to do.

I just want this suffering and pain to stop. I really don't care how this all ends anymore... I just want to stop feeling like absolute s**t and feel that innocent love again... Feel like someone actually wants me around them and that they are proud to have me. That I don't have to lie about how I feel because I know they know me the best... I want to stop feeling like I'm only one half of myself now. I want to feel complete again.. I want to feel whole with you, Silent.