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I just want to say that my collective weeks, this one and last one, have been absolutely the worst for me. Because of the retarded work load, family issues, and my crippling depression about Silent. Before I get into anything, I just want to write this out:

You're still the light in my life. Despite you calling me all the things you've said and demanded I just let everything go, I'm having trouble doing all of that I can to make things easier for you. Before you read on, please bare in mind that what I say isn't saying, "It's your fault my life is in shambles" and should rather read, "Because I can't get over you and everything around me is reinforcing you in my life, I'm very miserable."

I just wish I could show you and explain to you just how hard this has been for me as well. You with everything that happened after I left was the shittest thing(s) that could have happened. I guess it's just full circle... But does it have to be so goddamn extreme for me? I mean, I'm REALLY trying to get over you. But every single time I feel that I'm getting some grounds covered there HAS TO BE SOMEONE THAT EITHER LOOKS LIKE YOU, BARES RESEMBLANCES TO YOU, OR JUST HAS YOUR SCENT AROUND THEM. It's bloody ridiculous and it sounds more like I'm trying my best to not forget you... But if you could only see some of them, you'd understand where I'm coming from.

Now, besides that, what makes it really hard to get over you is that... I WORK AT A HOSPITAL WITH WOMEN THAT SOMEWHAT RESEMBLE YOU AND ARE HELPING/GOING TO HAVE BABIES. This point is just downright ******** and I get that I did some very shitty things to you and a lot of other people... But did I really REALLY deserve this sorta Hell? Where I have to constantly try to dodge the bullet of going to that department each time I'm assigned to it... And I can't dodge it. I can't say that I don't want to go because my manager gives me that, "You sure you don't want this job, Dom?"

Finally, and maybe not really the last thing, I keep dreaming about you. Sure, this is normal for someone who really misses someone else. But it's super annoying to wake up to a boner, a broken heart, and the intense desire to call you or wack of about you. Yeah, it's a *hard* morning for me each time it happens and it's a rather frequent morning. Many times, I just wish I could sleep in and try to forget... But I got work and the ride there is filled with me trying to fill my mind with as much bullshit to not think of you as possible.

In the end, despite all of this, those thoughts and dreams of you... aren't that bad. I want them to come to live and I cry sometimes wishing I didn't make a complete s**t fest of myself and of our relationship. Thinking and dreaming of you... Have been the only things keeping me going through this very troubling two weeks. And I'm very guilty of masturbating to those dreams/thoughts...

*ahem* So, other than all that being my issue. I also have work, family, and possibly my love life. Let's just start reasonable at work. The task is simple: Check people's computer and make sure s**t isn't hitting the fan. What made these two weeks unbearable is that I'm dealing with the whiniest bunch of entitled assholes in the Universe. Granted: They worked very hard for the 'prestige' but they make the whiniest fits when one thing isn't working. And typically speaking, I don't mind when s**t hits the fan. I spend some nice time with people, talking and getting them to laugh. Hell, I even get dragged all over the Hospital because people only want me to service their issues. BUT I CAN'T STAND THESE VIP ASSHOLES.

Besides the actual work, my coworkers are both great people and very judgmental people. Now, I know their hearts on in the right place because they're never overly critical about me, unless it's a bad mistake I made, I just wish that they wouldn't try to make everything I share with them a walking punch line. I'm infamously known as a reclusive with everyone and I enjoy being as such, yet whenever they ask me about stuff in my life... I feel like I'm suddenly on the front page of everything to laugh at. Sometimes, they take an invested interest in what I share. Again, they are super nice people... Just sometimes questionable ways to show it.

Then comes family. A tl;dr is that nothing changed and there's still piss drama. Mom still wants all the money I make, Danz not working and feels entitled to not doing anything, Nina getting more and more angry at Dav, Dav being the self-entitled king of not giving a ******** about anyone. So I won't go into that anymore.

And possible love life issues are simple:
1) I'm still not over Silent. I don't want to get into a relationship trying to forget her through sex and someone else when at the end of the day, I know I'll regret all of that.
2) I don't want to hurt any other female by eventually admitting to them that I still love someone else more than I could ever love them. This somewhat ties to 1.
3) Those that I feel I could start a new life with are either highly out of my league or I don't think I could handle them.

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Well, that's all for now. At least my stream looks good. 1.5k Followers and going strong.