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In all honesty, its hard learning how to rewire yourself from the habits you let yourself fall into so easily.

This time a year ago, I would have called you when something terrible, or amazing happened.

Now, I feel like I shouldn't even look at your snap chat cause its just gonna remind me we're not as close. How the ******** did that happen?

You've always been someone who keeps their distance, but not to the point where I felt like I couldn't run to you if I needed to.

I think the last time you tied my shoes, you knotted them together, so when I try to run I stumble over myself. And then I feel embarrassed and ashamed and I'm dead on my track that's supposed to lead me to you, but you're still moving forward with your properly tied shoes so there's no way to catch up.

I wonder if you wonder about me in your down time, if I flood the corners of your mind when you really don't want me there either. I hate when you come into my head, but I'll be honest, you only do when I'm driving somewhere in the morning, or when I'm laying down in bed alone.

I imagine you don't. I imagine you never have.
Often, I feel I lack so much importance to you when I'm not actually doing something for you.
I hope you know I have zero intention of doing much for you nowadays.

I've contemplated on this a lot. I realize to some degree, I should have told you what I was feeling. But let's be honest, an open dialogue about our thoughts and feelings has never really been on the table. Not until the feelings are past and we've worked them out on our own.

That's not a relationship. Not romantic, but certainly not platonic. And yet we try to tell ourselves it is, because we've allowed that to be our way of working things out for so long.

I hope you know I'm so angry with you for never calling me back on our best friend anniversary. What kind of person does that? And doesn't even care enough to say, "hey, I'm sorry, I got caught up with x-y-z."

Instead, you remained silent.
And your silence has given me the strength to forcibly remove most forms of communication from my grasp.

Your number isn't in my phone.
I will not check your snap chat.
I do not look at your Facebook.
And your instagram is kind of pointless, but what amazes me is the fact you felt the need to lie about having one.

It just kind of shows me that we're right where we've always been.
With MSN messenger and whatever other bullshit forms of social media you had that you felt the need to act like you didn't.

Twenty bucks says I'll only hear from you for one of two reasons:

1) Something ******** terrible happens and you need someone who always supports you
2) My birthday comes around.

I won't respond to your text, either way.
So maybe don't say anything at all.

Thanks.