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I have a weird idea that souls jump around,
That some days I'm not like myself at all,
Because you needed to encounter someone you met before,
And they had to remind you that you're still you even when you're with me.

This soul, I don't know them,
But the days I don't feel much like myself, I realize that I am not me.
I can recall these things because my mind is my mind,
But some days I feel like my heart is not my heart.

I realize I ramble about stupid things,
Which is precisely why I know this book I've been writing is going to be utter garbage,
But I can't seem to stop myself from writing and letting go of all the things that eat me alive, even if its just for a moment at a time.

I'm not even sure my writing conveys the crazy I am,
But I know I am crazy, the things I do never seem to make sense
Not to me, and certainly not to you.

But how could they?
I ramble on and on about the way people have shaped me, changed me, made me wish for better and brighter days, and long for old ones that are covered in dust on a shelf just a little too high for me to reach.

I keep hoping and praying I'll write something that sets a fire in your soul,
Something you connect with, in its rawness and in my vulnerableness,
But I'm no good at being vulnerable these days.
I shy away from every opportunity.

I can smell the hurt, I can taste the pain when I look you in the eye
And all I can do is run.
I swear I don't mean to run, run from all the possibilities that we could have together,
And I could sit here and go on and on and on about how I've felt so much pain in my life and that's why its okay for me to run from the chance at "happiness" and "love,"
But honestly I'm just a p***y these days.

Love is a scary thing, and you don't realize it when you're a kid,
Lending your heart to anyone who smiles at you.

Love is a terrifying thing,
Its set me so far back on so many plights for a better life,
Because I swore that forever rested in your eyes, but even then your eyes told convincing lies.

I just want to be an amazing person,
I want to save the world,
And some days I realize loving someone so much deters you from being able to love the world, to be selfless, to make amazing things happen.

Do I really have to give up love to make a name for myself?
Or is it possibility that someone can love me and I can love them, and they can join me on this ride of a lifetime that I KNOW is in my future?

I will never stop fighting to save this ******** world.
I realize I have to stop trying to change one person, create a better life for them,
And focus on what I can do for everyone else.

This will be the last summer I waste selfishly loving my self.
Come the fall, come now even,
I'm going to look into things to make everything better.

The world needs better.
And I've been fighting to become better.
I want the world to need me.

I always ramble about nothing noteworthy anyway.