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Sometimes I really don't understand why I do the things I do. I'm just gonna die anyway. Why do I feel like I need to do things in life so I can accomplish things when in reality, one day, I'll be dead and no one will remember my name or who I was or what my story was? No one will even care. This is so meaningless. Everything. I don't get why I feel obligated to participate in life. Human instinct? When I really sit down and think about all the s**t I've gone through and all the s**t everyone else has gone through, I have to ask myself why we go through ******** up s**t and still keep charging through life like it's the right thing to do. You think you're strong for living.. I think I'd be stronger if I killed myself.. because that's the scariest part of life. No one has any idea of what happens after death...
Today
Um.. today was okay, I guess. Went Christmas shopping, I know it's a little to early for my tastes but hey, deals. Anyway, I tried really hard to be happy today. And I guess it worked? Everyone thinks I'm happy, which is great. I don't want people to worry. And being able to anonymously write how I feel on here is a definite plus. Honestly, I'm so scared to graduate high school and start my life. I mean, graduation isn't far away. That's at least one thought that's going through my head all the time. What if I never become who I want to be? All of this would be for nothing.. and why am I striving to be better? I'm just going to die one day. Everything I've done with my life would be for nothing. I don't know why I even care about what happens in my future. Human instinct? Whatever yo. I can only hope my thoughts won't hold me back. My brain is the problem..



~Queen Of Disaster~



 
 
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